Anthony John Caterino Tribute

Precious, tiny, sweet little one,

you will always be to me

so perfect, pure and innocent

just as you were meant to be.

 

We dreamed of you and your life

and all that it would be.

We waited and longed for you to come

and join our family.

 

We never had the chance to play,

to laugh, to rock, to wiggle.

We long to hold you, touch you now

and listen to you giggle.

 

I'll always be your mother.

He'll always be your dad.

You will always be our child,

the child that we had.

 

But now you're gone...but yet you're here.

We'll sense you everywhere.

You are our sorrow and our joy.

There's love in every tear.

 

Just know our love goes deep and strong,

We'll forget you never--

the child we had, but never had,

and yet we'll have forever.

 

Author unknown

September 4, 2008

Dear family and friends,

It has been almost 6 months since we lost A.J. and Anthony and I continue to grieve and miss our baby boy terribly each and every day.  We have been devastated by what many have called the “destroyer of dreams”—stillbirth.  We are no longer, and never again will be, considered blissfully naive expecting parents.  We know all too well what can be lost, because with the death of A.J. a part of us died, too.  Our hopes and dreams of raising our beautiful baby boy to become a strong, independent man are shattered.  With his Daddy’s sense of humor and his Mommy’s love of life, he would grow to be a happy, loving, generous and family oriented boy.  He would play the drums, hockey, or take tap lessons and be the next Xavion Glover (like Mommy had dreamedJ).  He’d be Daddy’s clone and “Mommy’s little boy” forever and always.  He would someday be an exceptional big brother, teaching and guiding his siblings through life.  First smile, first words, first steps, first holidays, first day of school and college graduation, excitement of his wedding and future grandchildren and great-grandchildren…these and many more milestones every parent anticipates have died with our son. 

 

We are what some have called “still parents”, proud parents of Anthony John Caterino born still on March 18, 2008 at 9:42pm, 4lbs 14 oz and 18 inches long.  But we are “still”, or “at a halt” because we were never given the opportunity to mother/father him in the physical sense, except for the 8 ½ wonderful months he was in my belly.  Unfortunately, Anthony and I (and A.J.) are not alone.   According to the National Stillbirth Society, 26,000 babies were born still last year.  In some instances the cause of death was able to be determined through autopsy, but sadly, some were not.  The death of these babies will remain a mystery, but why?  Everyone dies for a reason, why is it some parents may never know why their baby died?  Many believe it is because there is no uniform post-mortem (autopsy) protocol in use today anywhere in the United States.  Every autopsy is done according to local practice. Because of that fact there is no uniform data available for analysis. 

 

I am proud to say that I am a member of the National Stillbirth Society.  The NSS is the only parent-led activist site on the internet working to “educate and agitate” for greater public stillbirth awareness, research, and legislative reform.  Please understand many stillbirths can be prevented through maternal awareness and education.  In many cases prevention is achieved through “fetal kick counts”, awareness of change in fetal movement and other signs of fetal distress (such as multiple episodes of hiccups lasting 10 minutes or longer) which costs parents and the health care industry not a penny more than regular prenatal monitoring.  Unfortunately, though, we live in a society which continues to keep the occurrence and risk of stillbirth secret.    

 

I urge you to join the National Stillbirth Society and give stillbirth survivors a voice!  In today’s society, almost anyone you talk to is familiar with SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), the unexplained death of babies in their cribs that occur for no determinable medical reason.  But did you know 15 times more babies die as a result of SADS (Sudden Antenatal Death Syndrome)?  SADS is the death of a baby in its mother’s womb after 20 weeks gestational age up until the moment of delivery, which is when many babies die.  It is a huge public disservice that SADS is not more commonly known.     

 

To join the NSS:

log onto http://www.stillnomore.org/main.htm.  On the left side of the page click on “Become a Member” Click on “Membership Application” to download and print Make your donation with Visa/MasterCard/check.  (Make checks payable to the National Stillbirth Society) Mail to the P.O. box listed on the form

 

In appreciation of your $35.00 donation, the National Stillbirth Society will send you a beautiful sterling silver “Missing Angel Pin”.  I hope you will wear it proudly in loving memory of our angel, A.J., as well as all babies born still. 

 

I hope you will take advantage of becoming a member of this wonderful organization while helping to fund one of the most important non-profit organizations dear to our hearts.  Remember, no parent should ever bury their child.  Your donations will help us to understand SADS and hopefully bring us to a time where it will no longer victimize loving, unsuspecting families through its devastating demise.  Please, also, forward this email to anyone who would like to take part in this important effort.    

 

With thanks and sincere gratitude,

Jeana and Anthony Caterino