I haven't posted this yet but it's been talked about it in the family....

Den doesn't know about this tribute page. We had thought initially maybe in time to tell him but it has been determined that we would rather him not know.

If anyone has already mentioned it to him, it may be best not to say anything further. He is extremely humble and already knows we all love and care for him deeply. With that being said, let's use this page as a form to comfort one another, to lean on one another and most importantly, to stay updated on Den.

Regarding today...

I arrived about 9:30ish. April was there already.
Den was sitting on the end of the couch. He looked really tired, his head leaning into his hand and covered with a blanket.
I hugged him and told him I love him. He said not too hard Cheryl.
It was a fairly gentle hug :(

He looked about the same as yesterday. He said he hadn't anything to eat and he didn't want anything. I asked if he had an Ensure, he said no, I offered to get him one but he didn't want one. He did have some juice nearby.
He, April and I just kind of small talked waiting for the Diane, the hospice nurse.

She stayed close to an hour or more. Some changes and a lot talked about.
Den spoke honestly which was really hard to hear as to what he's going through. :( She hadn't seen Den for a couple weeks. I believe she had the flu.

Another nurse who didn't know Denny but was familiar because all the nurses have to share reports weekly, came this past Friday because he was in so much pain. But again, this all started to get worse last Wed., 1 week ago tomorrow.
That nurse took Den off of the percocet and oxycontin because it wasn't effective any more and then put him on morphine and Ativan.

Before I go on, after Den says in detail how he's been feeling, it was said that the dosage Den had for the morphine did NOT equal to the dosage that he's always been on with the percs/oxy.
At 1st I didn't think I heard it right, then I questioned it and sure enough, it is what I heard. As she's explaining, I spoke up and said shouldn't she have known this (the other nurse)?
Diane did have an explanation but it went over my head cause quite frankly I was stunned! It didn't make sense to me.
Den spoke up in his soft tone not looking at me but at Diane, I don't want to say in defense to the other nurse but I think cause he didn't want conflict because I'm sure he heard my tone. I wasn't rude, but surprised!
He said the other nurse was very nice and here we are today.

Truthfully, I didn't totally grasp much of what was being said for the next few minutes cause I was shocked!
It was more like I heard wah, wah, wah.
I'm thinking to myself, is this why Den has suffered so much these past days? Could that have made a difference?

Maybe there is a proper explanation cause any medical changes have to be approved through the doctor right then on the phone with the nurse, and Den loves his doctor.

I thought maybe Den didn't take the right dosage, but then he'd have a lot left, but that wasn't the case, cause the bottle was almost empty today.

What do I know? But it doesn't sound logical to me. Maybe it's just me, it's hard, I hate this is happening to him!
I saw Den didn't want it talked about so it was dropped right there and done with. I do know Den did not want the patch last week, maybe something to do with that?? But I don't get it!

Diane is very, very nice and it is evident she is concerned for Den. I really like her!
As far as meds changing, the following will be to see how he does until she comes back on Thurs. Things may stay the same or have to be increased. For now on, Diane says someone has to be there with Den when she comes for "the extra ears"

1st,
He is now on a Fentanyl Patch for pain and to take morphine as a "breakthrough" meaning if he's feeling a lot of pain with the patch, he can take morphine to help too. Each patch is good for 72 hours. There's some precautions to take, like it can't get wet. Moisture, sweat can interfere.

Also, he can continue to take Ativan for nausea, sleep, and anxiety as a breakthrough to another med ( I forget the name) It is a gel in a pump. 1 squirt per inside of each wrist and rub it in well. I think that's every 4 hours( all this is written down in the house)
Now, if someone other than Den applies it, they must wear gloves cause it's powerful and wouldn't be good to be exposed to it for someone who doesn't need it. She said after about 30 mins it should be absorbed in to the skin. Prior to that, he can't let his wrists have contact with anyone. She used the example of not holding his grandkids.

Most of Den's meds, Den and April are already familiar with because Cindy went through this too. :(
Cindy started the patch 1st then morphine. She passed 3 days after starting morphine

When she asked how Den has been feeling, he said not too good.
He has severe pain on his whole left side. He pointed to the top left of his head and moved his hand down his whole body to his toes. He said not his left arm though.
He has swollen lymph nodes are under his left arm but more severely in his left groin area.
His left leg is very weak. He tried to lift it out in front of him and hold it, but it was very shaky from struggling to do that. He said he has no strength in it.
His head hurts a lot and he hears a "squishy sound like the sound of when someone walks with wet sneakers on". He pointed to the left side of his head above his ear.
His stomach is very sore and tender and pointed under his left breast area, that it's bothersome there around his ribs.
He also pointed above his heart area.
He's been throwing up and having dry heaves as well when he has nothing to throw up in his belly. He said his mouth gets really moist when he feels that coming on.
At the Doctor's last Wed, his weight was 135. His scale says 130. His blood pressure was up some. Diane thought it could be because of the severe pain.

I am so devastated that my brother has to feel this type of pain at the end of his life! This is so sad, it's so unreal! I am so proud of Den and his tremendous strength!
I have to stop, I can't do anymore. There's a lot more to say for today. I'll try to write it tomorrow