Arrived at Den's around 12:20

April had called before I left home for her Dad. He wanted to know if I was still coming and when cause April was going to do errands for him and that he was tired. I said I'd be there in 45-50 mins.
I thought he didn't want me to come but that wasn't the case.

When I got there I went in quietly in case he was napping but he was sitting up on the couch.
I hugged him and kissed his forehead. I said Den you feel warm, he said probably because of the fireplace (which was going). I sat next to him and we looked at each other and smiled. He didn't look well at all to me, even a sad Iook. I said how you feeling today? He said not too good. He didn't have to tell me that, cause I saw it on his face.

He said he has no pain or swishing sound in his head today, the left lower back/buttock area is still sore but not as bad as yesterday. He said his left leg is really bothersome today and rubbed the lower outer part of the leg. He said it's moved over to the shin area now. That it started to bother him about 2 weeks ago and hasn't gone away since. I said maybe we should call the doctor. He said why? I said maybe they can do something....He said, Cheryl, no one can doing anything to help me, i'm in a game now, it's called...wait to die.
I almost lost it! I had to quickly pull myself together cause I don't want to cry to him, nor walk out on him after he says something as sad as that.
I tried to just keep talking.
He said his stomach was bothering him too but when I asked if he ate anything yet, he said no but April is bringing me a meatball sub from DeAngelo's. I said ooo, that sounds good and asked did you have some ativan yet and he said yes. That helps with nausea so he can eat okay. When his sub came, he ate it all. He looked like he was starving. He asked for a ginger ale from the fridge.

He said the 2 Fentanyl patches are working good and hasn't taken any morphine and isn't if he doesn't have to. I said that's okay but don't let it get to the point that your really hurting. He said he slept good last night though but he's tired now.
While waiting he sat on the couch with his feet on the floor and I noticed his lounge pant leg moving so I glanced out the corner of my eye cause I don't want to stare at him. I noticed both of his legs were very shaky. I didn't mention anything about it, I just felt so bad for him. When he got up to get a cigarette, he is extremely frail. I swear he gets smaller each day I see him.
It's so disturbing to see how thin he is getting!.

I asked about letting the boys set up his bed down stairs so we can get him as comfortable as possible. He said no. He even mentioned the other day to the nurse that his couch is a sleep sofa and he could bring the foam top down and put it on the sleep sofa but not yet.
I told him I like his nurse Diane, that she seems very nice and genuinely cares for him. That she looks to me to be late 30s , early 40s. He said she has 2 late teen sons, so probably.
I said, Den what do you think about the other nurse. At 1st he said what nurse? I said the one from last week. He shrugged his shoulders and said she wasn't famiiar with my circumstances. I told Den it really bothered me to see what her error did to him. He shrugged again and said heh, what can ya do, things happen. I left it alone from there cause to me it seems Den has more important things on his mind...like fighting for his life!!

When Dick and I talked about it tonight, he was shocked and said they better of fired her. I said I didn't know but lets not lose focus.
Dick and 3 other brothers went to visit Den last night, left about 7:30. Dick said he didn't look good, looked tired. Whereas earlier in the day he looked great compared to the last days.
We talked about Nana, our Grandpa, Mom and our family and friends. I told him how everyone has him in their thoughts and prayers. That he is so dearly loved! That we all admire and look up to him! That it just saddens everyone to know he is going through this. He smiled at me. He was very quiet today. When he does talk sometimes you have to say ...what's that again Den? It's hard to hear him at times.
I offered to take him to the cemetery cause I'm sure that is hurting him too that he hasn't been able to go.
He said maybe I'll try to go Sunday. I said I don't think that will be possible. He said we'll see. I said let me help you. I'm nervous thinking someone should be with him. I told him, I'd be happy anytime at all, so he doesn't have to miss out. I just think someone should be with him. To think about it.

He told me that April told him that she and I went to Cindy's grave yesterday. I said yeah, it's appears a lot of people are loved there in that area cause almost every stone has flowers or some sort of rememberance. He asked me if I saw what he's told me about in the past...I said yes.
There are 2 rows of stones in front of Cindy's row. The 1st one from the street says April, the next which is in front of Cindy's is Smith....Cindy's daughter's name is April and Smith is her maiden name. They were put there after Cindy died. He said isn't that Wild? it sure is, what are the odds something like that happens.
April came back with a new vacuum cause his broke and it looked like the carpet needed vacuuming. She offered to get it all set up and do it for him before she had to leave but Den said leave it, he'll do it, something for him to do he said.

Several of us siblings are visiting tomorrow, us 3 girls, 4 of the boys and April too.
He wants us to come so hopefully he'll feel up to it. Around noonish.

I called Den about an hour ago...his phone is off....no visitors nor phone calls.Hopefully he can sleep. I hate him being alone, especially with his thoughts, cause he's got way too much to think about and to cry about! Way more than any of us.
Please continue praying for Den!