Joshua Carl Envil Tribute

If you are reading this, it is because in some way, you crossed paths with Joshua during the 26 years of his life. Maybe you are a relative or a neighbor, a school mate or work partner, but most likely, you are a friend!! And no one, more than Joshua, would have enjoyed having a"my space"  page as another way to keep in touch with all his friends!!! He never had the chance to set up his own page. As you could imagine, with Joshua\'s creativity and humor, it would have been so unique. But instead, this past Oct, which was one month after Joshua\'s death in Sept 27th,2007  I set up a "my space\" page in his name and memory. You know what a special guy he was. Joshua was fun and funny, creative and unique, smart and handsome, loving and loyal. And sometime during his short life, you got to know him!!! And he luckily, got to know you! This  page is for those who loved Joshua in life and miss him now. It is another way to think of him and remember the special times you shared with him, and wish for the times that now can never be. The page is in progress as more pictures and items are added. So please check back. Please feel free to tell a story, write a comment or send a picture that marked a memory that you shared with Joshua. This is such a beautiful and meaningful tribute to Josh. Josh would of said \"And to all my other friends..... PLEASE DON\'T FORGET ME!! I AM SORRY I CAUSED YOU ANY PAIN\" All of us who had you in our life can never, ever forget you! That smile and laughter will never be forgotten. Your spirit will live on in all of us who loved you so much. We will meet you at the crossroads some day. And you left us with a beautiful gift to love for you, Faith Marie. We will make sure she remember\'s her Daddy who loved her with his whole heart and soul. He died by a shotgun shot to his heart, self inflected, because he just couldn\'t stand the thought of having to share his little girl with another Man and he couldn\'t watch what was happening to her anymore when she had to leave him. But I am so thankful that I had 26yrs.of his life to be his Mother and friend. I wish I could of had just one more hug or kiss or one more day with him but that just wasn't the case. His heart was beyond broken and he had to end his pain some way. I wish he had chosed a better way but he didn't and we are all left to pick up the pieces. So we all go on with our lives again and hopefully remember Josh and his humor in our picture\'s and memories we have of him. He was to good of a person to end his life this way and we will never know what drove him over the edge. We can just love him for who he was now. The Vikings games will never be the same without you cheeering them on buddy. I hope that his friend\'s will keep him close in their heart as they did when he was here, just like his family is doing. You were to good of a person to end you life, you had so much going for you and so many people how cared about you.

When you see a butterfly
Think of me.
When you see a shadow
Don't be afraid.
When you see a light,
Think of good things.
But when you see a butterfly
Think of me.
When you see a cloud,
Don't be afraid to try and grab it.
When you see a raindrop,
Open your mouth and let it fall in.
When you see a hand touch you,
Don't jump away.
When you get all tingly,
Let the feeling last.
When you feel loved
Cherish it forever.
But when you see a butterfly,
Think of me.
When you feel like no one is there,
Make sure you know I am.
When you feel like I am gone forever,
Make sure you feel like I am there.
When you think you have grieved too much,
I know there is always another tear,
Think of me.
For you know I am always with you,
in every way, shape and form.
I am always there to protect you,
Even through dange rous storms.
Know that I am right behind you,
In whatever fate decides to put you through.
For I may be gone,
But I am around,
So when you see a butterfly,
Know I am always there.

I lost my son the other day.

He did not run away.

He did not go out and play.

Alone, with no chance for goodbyes,

Unbelievably,

He just went away.

 

One of the things that

I'll remember the most

Was when he was out among the rest

His wit and creativity was close to the best.

 

He had a special way with his mom,

I felt in my heart it was just a passing fad,

But it has left me very sad.

 

His life ahead of him,

He had so much left to experience and do.

Why did he have to leave us?

We loved him, and now without him

Always, we'll be empty and blue.

.

These lessons that life teaches us

Are not to be ignored,

Think of my son, and his all too brief trip.

Hold on to the moment.

Don't lose the slightest bit.

.

Our good selections in life

Can be rewarding to all.

But the bad connections

Cause us to slip and fall.

 

The best lesson to learn

For even when they fall,

Is to understand, communicate

And help them stand tall.

 

Because life can be so very short

Keep reminding and suggesting at every turn.

So you do not lose your son

And he does not feel spurned.

 

So remember always

From this tragedy and strife

To talk and help and show your love

And maybe save a life.

 

I lost my son the other day.

He did not run away.

He did not go out and play.

Alone, with no chance for goodbyes,

Unbelievably,

He just went away.

I will miss him greatly.

Your Mother

Remember
I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory

Remember
When your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
Just remember me

I am the one star that keeps burning so brightly
It is the last light to fade into the rising sun
I'm with you whenever you tell my story
For I am all I've done

Remember
I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory,
remember me

I am that warm voice in the cold wind that whispers
And if you listen you'll hear me call across the sky
As long as I still can reach out and touch you
Then I will never die

Remember
I'll never leave you
If you will only
Remember me
(Remember me)

Remember
I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory

Remember
When your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
I live forever
Remember me…

We are the survivors that is all we know
We must stand together and not alone

We must carry on our loved ones name
We must not sit back and take the blame

We can not blame ourselves for the choice they made
Although we wish they would have stayed

Life is full of pain and suffering by far
We can only imagine their anguish who they thought they are

They couldn't see the love and a better way
They felt they needed to end their life this way

They needed to take control of their painful life
They needed to feel peace wanted to get rid of all the strife

So now we are here left to grieve
Left to feel only what we believe

So many questions that will remain unanswered to us
The only thing we can do with others is discuss

Discuss the sadness, the pain and the fears
We cling to each other and dry each others tears

So we are now the survivors a new groups of friends
We are the survivors we didn't ask to set these trends

We are the survivors and must learn to carry on
We are the survivors we each need to depend on

Our lives have been forever changed
Our time with our loved one has been shortchanged

So take this message and know in your heart
That your loved one is angel and has made a new peaceful start

Forever love them and speak of them with tears of joy
Save on to your precious memories it's those you must enjoy

And with these words that I write
Know there is a survivor thinking of you tonight!

Time heals our wounds in different ways as it seems fit;

Although we are never truly prepared for it.

Why did our child have to die and leave us in pain,

To relive the horror each day again and again.

How can we know what foot to step out with first,

When our hearts are so heavy we feel that it will burst.

Eyes clouded with tears so bad we can not see,

Our precious child taken away so tragically from thee.

We wake in the morning light to face the day,

Unable to accept that our child won't be with us, they say.

Our family tries to help us but their words cut like a knife.

All they tell us is that we must move on and be a husband or wife;

To put it all behind us and move on with my life as before.

How much we want to tell them that our child is here no more.

Why do they think they know what's best for you and me.

They have never lost someone close to them, you see.

I wish that they would go away and leave me to my peace.

Because the words they choose to speak don't bring me any release.

I found a place called POS where I could go and know that others care.

They understand the loss I am feeling and our stories we can share.

They are there to bring me comfort and offer me a hug,

They would never pull away from me only to give me a shrug.

They all walk the same long road, a journey we all take.

The pain we all are suffering for the loss we can not shake.

All over the world these parents have all suffered a loss so dear.

Reaching out to all of us on POS is what we all have to share.

Thank God for Karyl's vision in knowing how to bring us all together.

We need each other?s help through this pain of loss, a stormy weather.

Please know that time will heal our pain and get us through each day.

To cherish our precious memories of our child to remember in every way.

No one can take away our memories of the happy times we had.

They are ours to keep forever and forget the ones that were bad

A MOTHER'S GRIEF

You ask me how I'm feeling,
but do you really want to know?
The moment I try telling you
You say you have to go

How can I tell you,
what it's been like for me
I am haunted, I am broken
By things that you don't see

You ask me how I'm holding up,
but do you really care?
The second I try to speak my heart,
You start squirming in your chair.


Because I am so lonely,
you see, no one comes around,
I'll take the words I want to say
And quietly choke them down.


Everyone avoids me now,
Because they don't know what to say
They tell me I'll be there for you,
then turn and walk away.


Call me if you need me,
that's what everybody said,
But how can I call you and scream
into the phone,
My God, my child is dead?

No one will let me
say the words I need to say
Why does a mothers grief
scare everyone away?

I am tired of pretending
as my heart pounds in my chest,
I say things to make you comfortable,
but my soul finds no rest.


How can I tell you things
that are too sad to be told,
of the helplessness of holding a child
who in your arms grows cold?

You cannot imagine
what it was like for me that day
to place a final kiss upon that box,
and have to turn and walk away.


If you really love me,
and I believe you do,
if you really want to help me,
here is what I need from you.


Sit down beside me,
reach out and take my hand,
Say "My friend, I've come to listen,
I want to understand.
"

Just hold my hand and listen
that's all you need to do,
And if by chance I shed a tear,
it's alright if you do to.


But now I am to feel bad of how I feel about my Son and his death, that I am some monster who is being unfair and unkind. Well we will see just who is the one to feel ashamed. So just walk away because I don't need you as my friend. A friend would hold you hand and know when and what not to say. My grief just won't go away in 1 yr. or 2, it will live on forever inside of me. That is my burden to bare so just leave me be and let me grieve in peace, I think it is time..

Parent of a Suicide

Questions left unanswered
torturing to the head
Lie in bed awake at night
Wondering what you could have said

Gone forever, never to be seen
Their eyes which did sparkle and so brightly gleam
Are they here or not , I wonder everyday
Again questions left unanswered, much to my dismay

Memories are foggy , turning into blur
To speak their name aloud has become just another slur
Forbidden by society, the silence becomes so loud
Don't tell them how they left you, it might upset the crowd

A Wonderful human being has left and no one really cares
All that's left is open mouths with nothing but silly stares
No questions or answers there for you, your shoes they never wore
Its not a pair for anyone ,can't be bought in any store

If the price tag was visible, I know not one would buy
The cost to wear these shoes is just to Friggin high

He was a friend you could alway's count on no matter what he had your back. He kept some of his friends from when he was young and made new ones everywhere he went. He was the kind of person that everyone liked. He had that humor and a smile that would melt you with his dimple. He had a love for life and lived and played hard right up until the end. He loved his job and very seldom missed work. He seemed to make friends wherever he went so it was hard to hear that he was gone from us forever.