Luana Cobcroft
- 24 years old
- Female
- Born Sep 27, 1984
- Died Jun 03, 2009
- Samoa
About
'my little sister'
17 days from today you left us
and for the life of me...I just dont get it
how, why, where, why,...how
of all the useless condolences people have given me
like 'life must go on'
and 'god takes us at our prime'
and crap like that...
which dont console my broken soul at all....
the only thing someone said
that made me feel like they were offering me some form of help
through a shoulder, unfamiliar as it was, to cry on
was "this is just too huge''
because it was
and it is
in this sort of stagnant tar pit of sorrow
ignorance is bliss
if i get distracted, it feels like youre just in nz
just somewhere galavanting on holiday
then it hits me
images of you, on a bed, with a machine breathing for you
and dragons breadth of medical people breathing down my neck that you are gone
like you have to tell ME of all people twice.
i get it, just give us space....which they didnt
I got so angry..at all the unneccessary visitors who never gave two hoots when you were with us
to say hi how you doing
and yet they want to stand around more then 30minutes
and stare...like the circus was in town, in HDU in the hospital
F* off is what i wanted to yell...but i didnt
I didnt mind your friends...because they made your life so wonderful and happy
now...I just dont know..how to move on
how to accept
I feel guilty, like accepting is so final
I can never accept..
I can only nurture my own pain and suffering so that I learn to live with it
at times I feel like I am ok
but all it takes is for someone to mention you
and then it takes all the strength in me to resist breaking down on the floor
and it makes me angry
that people dont recognise this
and try to avoid upsetting me..and us
but they are not mind readers
and people just...
dont know what to say
or do
Im sorry
Im sorry I didnt spend more time with you
and for always taking you for granted
and not telling you enough how much you meant to me
I knew it in my heart
but did I tell you?
I learn new things about you everyday
and it breaks my heart
that i didnt know these things already
what a terrible sister
was I
somedays i sit, and hope
that by some miracle i can feel your spirit
or your presence
please god give us something
you just took her away
and left us with pain
will you give us nothing
i feel better crying
as miserable as it is
at least i feel like im doing something for you
cause what else can i do
at this time
in this state of mind
when i think about your accident
it makes me angry
that we will never know
if someone did this to you
and we know
no one will ever be brought to justice
because we have no faith
in the law enforcers here
so we just leave it
it hurts to much to try
you are gone now
but you will never leave us
you will live on in our hearts and memories
and for that i cry
because its not supposed to be this way
its just not
...by Nola Adria Gidlow
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Time goes so fast
Yvette Van Vliet Douglas Jun 04, 2010
It is now a year since you left us so suddenly and tragically. The time has gone so fast but we still miss you very much and we often speak of you and how you meant so much to us, your whanau in Rotorua. We still mention the "what if's" and "if only's" but know there are no answers. We all have our own special memories of you and will never forget you. They say time heals but after a year it still hurts to know we won't see you again.
Love and Remember you always girl!!
Yvette xoxo
good times with my wifey
Toni Elers May 26, 2010
We met when Luana and Tashia came to look at our flat in Lyall Bay, and you guys moved in soon after. I remember thinking how you guys had funny American sounding accents and that you were so pretty with your gorgeous eyes. Luana was always so chirpy and happy and i always thought it was so funny how her and Tash would argue in part Samoan-part English.
One of our flatmates had a huuuge tv and i remember we would dance in front of it when the music videos were on and pretend we were in the actual video..and it looked real! Im sure we all know Luanas booty dance lol. and we would kiss the boys on the tv like we were right next to them...haha. and when me, luana and erica were kissing the spongebob poster on the wall and taking photos lol.
Luana was a very proud Samoan and she would always teach me little words ,like Afikasi which is pretty much the only one i remember because she would always say she was a prettyful afikasi princess :) . She also used to do that Samoan dance (cant remember the name sorry) where you kind of slide across the floor sideways and sway your hips and hands. She taught me the basics but i definately cant do it as good as her! She would pull it out at parties and the white boys would drool lol
I still miss you so much Lu and it still doesnt feel real because i never got to say goodbye. You were such a great friend always and i feel bad because after i came back from overseas i didnt get to see you. I regret that the weekend me and corban went up to watch Pussycat dolls we didnt stay with you like you said we could, because that was so close to the time you went to Samoa, and it would have been great to see you. Its funny how we always think therell be another day. I cant believe its been nearly a year. Ok well enough of that depressing stuff, ive got plenty more memories but maybe ill write them another time..
love you xoxo Toni
Fun times with Luana
Crystal Apr 28, 2010
and i rember how the hairdresser lady was being a complete ass to us but u didnt let your guard down....
You told her straight what you thought lol...How we were the paying customers and it was up to us what we wanted done ....
Then we sat there the whole time smileing at her while back stabbing her in Samoan lol....then coming out with Purple hair hahahaha that was funny but still we looked good .
Another good memory was how u txted me to come over when i was staying out west with Lani and Darren and you needed someone to drive to the airroport to pick up yur mom and Adolf up cos at the time the furthest you could drive was from yur house to Lyn Mall which was a 10min drive hahahahaha not very far....lol
any how when i pulled up outside your drive way and waited for u to jump in u sed wed take yur car, so when i jumping in to yur car on the drivers seat you sed hey ill drive ......and then she when i sed to drive to the airroport i ment me and you as the passenger ....so then i jumped out then thought kool....i can enjoy the ride ...and it wasnt untill we got on to the motorway before u tell me that it was your first time driving on the motor way and you needed help knowing which lanes to stick to and exists to take ....then i kinda went stiff in the legs, so not only was i a passenger instructer i was also a Navigator.......
I was so nervous and scared that it made my stomach empty which ended up us having Mac Dz at the Airroport.....It was alot easier getting back tho guess cos Adolf was driving ......
Anywyas i miss you terrible big cossy and you are sorely missed every single day.
I love u alwys......
Crystal
Smiles
Lera Apr 08, 2010