Nancy Tribute

I never knew how much I needed you until you weren't there anymore. I know now that you did your very best with all of us, and I for one am very thankful. I know your life was hard, and we probably made it worse, but your were amazing. I miss you so much, but I am so happy you are not sick anymore. Tell Grandma and Aunt Jo-D I said hello, and give them each a hug. I'll see you again some day. Wait for me.
Missy

It's Mother's day weekend and I am feeling the loss of my Mom as the day approaches. She is in my thoughts every day and in my dreams at night. It's been difficult shopping lately with all the Mother's day gifts set out for choosing and I even think "Mom would like that" still. I had no way to honor her in person with flowers or even a visit to the cemetary because I am so far away. So my few words here are my way of letting her know how much she's missed and how badly I wish I could have had that phone call and small gift picked out just for her. I know she is with me and my family. We speak of her every day and every night I tell her goodnight as I turn out the light by her picture beside my bed. The days have passed where I think I can just pick up the phone and call her or make a mental note of something I should tell her next time we talk. Many Mother's day's went by and I didn't show her my appreciation and my love for her and I only hope that she now knows how much I admired her. She was a strong woman, taking care of her children, mostly on her own. When she got sick she fought hard and was determined to make it easier on the rest of us. She kept us in the dark thinking it was protecting us from the pain, and in retrospect it actually kinda worked. The hurt when she did leave us was almost unbearable but in the months and days leading up to her last, we all still believed in her and her resolve to get well. When she needed to be taken care of she was still taking care of everyone else.
Since she's been gone I have created memories with my siblings and had some real laughs about our upbringing and her ways of mothering. She always tried to be tough and we all knew the look of her anger and disapointment, but seldom heard the words. She was fun and funny and kind and generous. She never asked for much for herself and lived with what she was blessed with with.
My youngest daughter asked me today "Mom, do you like being a Mom, or is it hard work?" I told her how much I loved it and even though it is hard at times I am so glad I am her Mom. And I am so glad my mother was mine. I am still angry she is gone and angry with myself for taking her time with us for granted. I only hope that I am as good a Mom to my own children as she was to me.
I miss you terribly Mom and I will be thinking of you tomorrow on Mother's day, as I do every day. Love you Mom.
Love,
Mary