Thelma Marcuson Tribute

There won’t be a call from my favourite aunt Thelma this year on 13th June. She never missed my birthday, and we always commiserated about being so many miles apart on such happy occasions. One month later it was my turn to call her. Both of our birthdays fell on the 13th. (June and July). Coincidentally, my mother Millie was also born on 13th (September). She was 12 years older than Thelma. After Mill, there was uncle Max and uncle Lionel. Their father, Adolph, who came to South Africa during the time of the Boer War, and Thelma’s brothers and sister were all seriously rebellious with unshakeable belief in their own way of doing things. From my recollection only Sarah, their mother was of a more gentle disposition. Navigating this family dynamic helped Thelma develop her talent for interacting so successfully with people. As we all know, she chose a wonderful life-long companion in Neil, raised a unique family with him, and together they developed an enviable social circle. Possibly some of her ability to fashion such superb ceramic pieces was inherited from her father, who produced beautiful custom-made jewelry. (Sidersky Jewelers is still in business in Johannesburg.) However there was more to Thelma’s creativity and style, which showed up in many other ways. Thelma’s meringues were the highlight of many desserts at family and friends parties. She had a way with floral arrangements and managed a beautiful garden in Johannesburg. Neil and Thelma were generous hosts and one always was made to feel welcome. However there were rare exceptions. She once “educated” the wives of two Americans, who had come to see Neil on business, by quietly informing them that she had many non-Jewish friends, in response to their anti-semitic remarks. Of course they didn’t know where to hide themselves. As others have pointed out, you did well to stay on the right side of Thelma.

Alan, Tim and Bobby, and I were in a unique situation growing up in Johannesburg. The family homes were both in Dunkeld a mile apart. So we found ourselves with interchangeable homes and parents from time to time, such as when Thelma accompanied Neil on business overseas, my parents and I would move into their house. Thelma and Millie were the glue that kept the family together. They developed the alternating Sunday lunch ritual. Since both homes were equipped with excellent culinary staff (Sheila and Grace) they were magnets that attracted friends and family having a wide variety of views on diverse subjects. The Marcusons generally invited more intellectuals than my parents who got the bridge and rummy players.

Thelma was an excellent judge of character, and accepted Arlette into the family more readily than my own more conservative mother. Millie must have had in mind a traditional South African girl rather than the somewhat bohemian Francophone from Cairo. Arlette and Thelma shared common interests in their appreciation of art and beautiful handmade objects including ceramics and textiles. The delicate porcelain bowls on our mantelpiece always attract compliments from our friends, and are a constant reminder of Thelma’s legacy to us.

Arlette and I visited Thelma about a year ago when she was still in charge, despite her failing strength, forcing herself to sit at the table with us for lunch, and suggesting where we should go in London. We were fortunate to have had the opportunity to spend this time with her. It was also her idea to send each one of us in turn for a walk on the heath so that she could have a heart to heart chat with the other. We both shared some good laughs with her and received wise counsel. She knew how to cut through the bs and get to the core of things. She will always be lovingly remembered by us and our children.