Hi All. I am Maddie and new to this group. My Mother passed away suddenly a couple of weeks ago. We had not expected her to pass away because she was on her way back to a normal life but was currently receiving rehabilitation in a hospital after complications from surgery a couple of months ago. What I am experiencing is something so strange. When my mother died we got a call from the hospital saying that Mom had died and that her death was a slow and painful one. For over a week I was haunted with the thought that my mother had called for help and no one had come and she died scared and alone. Thanks be to God, we found out later that she actually passed away peacefully in her sleep from something totally unrelated to what we were originally told was her cause of death. It appears that the hospital is covering up for something. Maybe they were scared that they had done something to cause her death. Now that I know the truth and the funeral is over and she has been laid to rest I feel nothing. I felt so much relief when I found out that she didn't suffer that now I don't feel anything. I am no stranger to loss. I just loss my dad a little over a year ago. I grieved for him heavily and was still grieving for him when my Mother died. So far with my Mother I don't really know if I believe that she is gone. I know I saw her in her casket. I even touched her leathery skin before they closed the casket. I saw her at the cemetery when they laid her to rest but ever since I found out that her death was not what I thought it was I feel like it fixed it. I even told a friend that tomorrow I am going to go visit Mom before I realized what I was saying. One thing that is bringing the reality of my mother being gone is that my cell phone doesn't ring anymore. I never realized how much we talked on the phone together. I took care of her with her dr appointments or if she needed to go anywhere. The last few days of her life I saw her on a daily basis and saw her just hours before she died. Now the phone doesn't ring and I don't have anything to do anymore. I thought of going to see if I could volunteer somewhere where I could help people but I think the truth of the matter is I just want to continue helping my Mom. Any thoughts from anyone would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Maddie, I'm so sincerely sorry for the loss of your mother and your friend. When we spend so much time talking to our mom's (mine passed in Feb), we build such a strong bond of friendship. I think what happened was that you were so relieved at the news that you felt some happiness again and you are holding on to it until you are ready greive. It's such a blessing that you found out she didn't suffer, I spend so much time wondering about mom's last moments and it is a deep haunting, so perhaps your relief was close to elation, pure joy, and relief? I could see that I would feel that way. I didn't mourn my dad's passing very much but when my mom died 9 years later, then I cried for my dad to. It will hit you soon enough, now or years from now. Of course, I could be totally wrong and maybe my opinion isn't even worth 2 cents but I had to say something.

katie, i feel for you , i went throu 4 years of cancer with my sister and it went to her brain and i lost my best friend . it's going on 2 years now but i miss her , she lived in michigan and me here in texas but in heart we were so close and i went home every year to visit .she was my only sis so i feel so empty and no one understands how i feel. it's like once the furnnel is over it's over but it's not .i took her to all her dr.appointments and i swear i felt her pain , you do when you love someone. i don't know how to let go and i feel so down most days i have come to realize you never quite missing them but life goes on with or without you and thats just the way it is i'll pray for god to bring you some peace , as he hasn't me yet .take care

What helped me through the loss after my mom's death was visiting her grave. I still remember coming home from school and spending almost an hour talking to her about the day and such. I really missed that after she died. I used to drive to her grave as a teenager and sit beside it and talk to her just like I used to when she was alive. Sometimes I would vent and tell her how unfair I felt it that she was gone, sometimes I'd just cry. Most of the time I'd just talk directed at her to fill the void. It helped a lot for me.

Hi, My parents are thankfully stil with us, but are getting on now. I can't imagine what their loss will mean. Tia, you must be very strong to get through all of this. Do you have siblings or other family that help you?

Well... that is complicated. After my mom died when I was sixteen I pushed myself to graduate High School Early and moved to start taking classes at a college and eventually joined the military. My family wasn't greatly pleased with this decision. I moved nearly 3 thousand miles away from home. I have a brother who is about 10 years older than me and I have a few family members from my father's side still alive, though I am not really in contact with my family. Though the past nine years have not gone without support! My friends at Vaxia have been there for me for almost eight of those nine years.

I do not know how I have found my way here, but reading your story has helped me and I hope that it may help you. Recently in two separate unrelated ways, I have had to suffer with the loss of both my parents. Both to me so young (63) and I had so much more to do with each of them in my life. It all seems to have just happened yesterday. Dad passed away Friday October 13th, 2006 after we had thought a new lease on life - kidney transplant. I had still been trying to recover from this when Mom was admitted to the hospital for what we thought was just an infection and unfortunately did not ever get to come back home. We lost her on June 3rd. I think it is just knowing that someone has gone through something similar and maybe can relate to what I am feeling helps in a way. The phone calls have also stopped for me. The checking in with each of them everyday of my life has stopped and although family is still here, there is not one person, husband included that fills the voids. I go through my days trying so hard to not think of anything that may remind me of any of the things I shared with each of them but I lived with Mom and see it every day. Her room is still untouched, drinks still unfinished waiting for her to return. It is more difficult than I can put into words and there are some days I am not sure I will get through but somehow manage. For both as soon as I knew they were ill, did not leave their side, but I also think that I may have been able to keep them here, had I just done something else. I will not ever get past losing either one of these most precious people, but if anyone has any thoughts on how to make it any easier I would be grateful.