My name is Simon. I have come to this newsgroup because tonight I am really missing my best friend who was killed in a train accident on 10-16-99. It was early on a saturday morning, he was on his way to his girlfriends house with a dozen roses on the front seat for her. I don't understand why or how but he was hit broadside by a freight train while in his van at a railroad crossing with NO CROSSING ARMS. This alone allows me to place blame on the township or state or whoever's ignorance it was that allowed a major railroad crossing to exist without crossing arms. Anyway, he was my best friend, I knew him since we were in kindergarden. We spent every day together, school, work, the shore... we did everything together and I really miss him. I read some of your posts in this newgroup and all this pain makes me realize that I'm sure not alone. All I do is sit and wonder why and what I am missing in life everyday that he's gone. I wonder what happens when we die. I wonder if there really is a heaven. I sat through 12 years of catholic school, my one great grandfather was a popular priest in philly, my cousin is a nun... I have done my time and still I question everything. Call me the doubting thomas I guess. My best friend means too much for me to just flip a coin and hope he's ok now... I am hurting. I have many friends but this kid was like 50 friends in one person. He was so liked and popular among all ages. I looked up to him in so many ways... It's real hard being 24 and knowing I have to sit through another 50 plus holidays, birthdays etc. without him. I hope life isn't some cruel joke, sometimes I wonder if we are all just kidding ourselves. Maybe people created religion to surpress all those fears and questions we had. This drives me crazy. You are all in my prayers, I see what my best friends parents have gone through and I feel sick afterwards. Anyone who goes through a loss of a child must be a saint by exception. Remember, I'm the average 24 year old, maybe 20 years your junior and I know what you people are going through. You might pass me in a mall, on a soccer field or on the road... I am just like you... I wish there wasn't so much hurt in this world. Thank you for listening. My friends name is JOHN ROBINSON, and the personality my friend had, I'm sure HE'S the one who has blessed you all for listening to my story.

Hi Simon, I'm so sorry John died. I know it hurts to lose someone who's been a very important part of your life. John sounds like he was a really great friend to you. The questions you ask are good ones. Philosophers have been struggling with them for years... St. Thomas Aquainus (not sure on the spelling) was one. Julia

Dear Julia, Thank you for replying to my email. Tonight I am on my way to his house to eat dinner with his parents and some of his friends and his girlfriend who he had a dozen roses on his front seat for. Guess he sure died looking like the class act he was. I'm only 24 but I feel 84. Life has all kinds of lessons to teach me I guess. I wouldn't mind learning them or feeling pain as long as I knew we won't be forgotten after we die. It's amazing how my life has changed, the way I view the world, the way I can now relate to people who have lost someone they love. Well, thank you Julia.

hope you had a peaceful dinner. Roses... <sigh> Nice guy. And just when I thought that romance was a thing of the past. John won't be forgotten as long as you're around to remind others of him and to remember him for yourself. In my belief system, it's the good that we do and how we touch other's lives that lives on long after our physical body is gone. Can you imagine telling your grandchildren about John? The two of you will be friends that long... and longer. Live a long and healthy life. Make some memories. Have adventures. Explore. And share yourself with others. I am sorry that this is one of the things that we have in common... this loss. I was a few years younger than you when my father died. It does change us irrevocably but not for the worse. Julia

I love your expression - 50 friends in one person. Such a wonderful tribute to your friend. I hope you don`t mind if I pinch it to describe someone I lost? And, no, your not alone though some of our experiences are different. All leads back to the same place. Loss and bereavement. So sorry you find yourself here. Maybe religion was created to make these times easier to cope with, must admit sometimes I envy them their faith. Wish I had it. Can`t answer your questions about heaven - but can only offer you my experience - the hurt finds a place in your heart - you learn to live with it, somehow we find happiness again but we don`t ever lose that missing feeling. I lost my partner 3 years today - it still hurts - so much. Today it really bites. But somehow, my life is OK. I am so sorry for your loss. And to quote myself when first stumbled into this group "even knowing who to blame doesn`t seem to help me". I hope that you or your friends family will take issue with the township/state - but you must also look after you. You are very young, I hopesomeof the groups other "youngsters" will get in touch. There are sadly so many. You try to take care of yourself and feel free to talk here, anytime

You are truly are a wonderful person to have written such a beautiful letter for your best friend. I just recently lost my brother on Oct.5th. He happened to come across a nitrous tank. Yes he died. He was 23, almost 24. I feel I have to let every young kid who is not informed of nitrous lethal use. I feel for your loss, my brother was my very best friend. He was taken to heaven for a reason. He was an adorable kid with alot of energy. He was very successful with my fathers business. He did something that was no laughing matter. The day after his funeral, the daily news wrote a story about the Eagles fans having nitrous by their side tailgating. One week too late. If my brother Michael Fessler would of read that article, maybe he would be alive today. By the way My brother read the Philadelphia Daily News every day. The only paper he read while he was at work. I know this because we worked together. So my point is that God chose my bother to make an impact on this area about the deadly gas. He had 2000 people signed in at his viewing mass. Imagine how many lives he and God has saved. Your friend made an impact and his job here on Earth is done. He now is a messenger for the Lord. I went to catholic school all my life,and I too have questioned my faith. My brother knew this and now he is sending signs from Heaven to me, that he is with God. Talk to your friend ask him to show you a certain symbol that might have represented you and he. I Know he will answer you. Please take care of your friends you still have now. Because life is trying,and you never know!!!

[Brendan Wellings]: [quot]You are truly are a wonderful person to have written such a beautiful letter for your best friend. I just recently lost my brother on Oct.5th. He happened to come across a nitrous tank. Yes he[quot] died. He was 23, almost 24. I feel I have to let every young kid who is not informed of nitrous lethal use. I feel for your loss, my brother was[q[quot]uot] my very best friend. He was ta[quot]ken to heaven for a rea[quot]son. He was an adorable kid [quot][quot]with alot of energy. He was very successful with my fathers business. He did something t[quot]hat was no laughing matter. The day after his funeral, the daily news wrote a story about the Eagles fans having nitrous by their side tailgating. One week too late. If my brother Michael Fessler would of read that article, maybe he would be alive today. By the way My brother read the Philadelphia Daily News every day. The only paper he read while he was at work. I know this because we worked together. So my point is that God chose my bother to make an impact on this area about the deadly gas. He had 2000 people signed in at his viewing mass. Imagine how many lives he and God has saved. Your friend made[quot] an impact and his job here on Earth is done. He now is a messenger for the Lord. I went to catholic school all my life,and I too have questioned my faith. My brother knew this and now he is sending signs from Heaven to me, that he is with God. Talk to your friend ask him to show you a certain symbol that might have represented you and he. I Know he will answer you. Please take care of your friends you still have now. Because life is trying,and you never know!!![/quot] kkkkkk

[Yvonne]: [quot][Brendan Wellings]: [quot]You are truly are[/quot] a wonderful person to have written such a beautiful letter for your best friend. I just recently lost my brother on Oct.5th. He happened to come across a nitrous tank. Yes he[quot] die[/quot]d. He was 23, almost 24. I feel I have to let every young kid who is not informed of nitrous lethal use. I feel for your loss, my brother was[q[quot]uot] my very best friend. He was ta[quot]ken to heaven for a rea[quot]son. He was an adorable kid [quot][quot]with alot of energy. He was very successful with my fathers business. He did something t[quot]hat was no laughing matter. The day after his funeral, the daily news wrote a story about the Eagles fans having nitrous by their side tailgating. One week too late. If my brother Michael Fessler would of read that article, mayb[/quot]e he would be alive today. By the way My brother read the Philadelphia Daily News every day. The only paper he read while he was at work. I know this because we worked together. So my point is that God chose my bother to make an impact on this area about the deadly gas. He had 2000 people signed in at his viewing mass. Imagine how many lives he and God has saved. Your friend made[quot] an impact and h[/quot]is job here on Earth is done. He now is a messenger for the Lord. I went to catholic school all my life,and I too have questioned my faith. My brother knew this and now he is sending signs from Heaven to me, that he is with God. Talk to your friend ask him to show you a certain symbol that might have represented you and he. I Know he will answer you. Please take care of your friends you still have now. Becau[/quot]se life is trying,and you never know!!![/quot] kkkkkk [/quot]

Yvonne: [Yvonne]: [quot][Yvonne]: [quot][Brendan Wellings]: [quot]You are truly are[/quot] a wonderful person to have written such a beautiful letter for your best friend. I just recently lost my brother on Oct.5th. He happened to come across a nitrous tank. Yes he[quot] die[/quot]d. He was 23, almost 24. I feel I have to let every young kid who is not informed of nitrous lethal use. I feel for your loss, my brother was[q[quot]uot] my very best friend. He was ta[quot]ken to heaven for a rea[quot]son. He was an adorable kid [quot][quot]with alot of energy. He was very successful with my fathers business. He did something t[quot]hat was no laughing matter. The day after his funeral, the daily news wrote a story about the Eagles fans having nitrous by their side tailgating. One week too late. If my brother Michael Fessler would of read that article, mayb[/quot]e he would be alive today. By the way My brother read the Philadelphia Daily News every day. The only paper he read while he was at work. I know this because we worked together. So my point is that God chose my bother to make an impact on this area about the deadly gas. He had 2000 people signed in at his viewing mass. Imagine how many lives he and God has saved. Your friend made[quot] an impact and h[/quot]is job here on Earth is done. He now is a messenger for the Lord. I went to catholic school all my life,and I too have questioned my faith. My brother knew this and now he is sending signs from Heaven to me, that he is with God. Talk to your friend ask him to show you a certain symbol that might have represented you and he. I Know he will answer you. Please take care of your friends you still have now. Becau[/quot]se life is trying,and you never know!!![/quot] kkkkkk [/quot] [/quot]

[Yvonne]: [quot][Yvonne]: [quot][Brendan Wellings]: [quot]You are truly are[/quot] a wonderful person to have written such a beautiful letter for your best friend. I just recently lost my brother on Oct.5th. He happened to come across a nitrous tank. Yes he[quot] die[/quot]d. He was 23, almost 24. I feel I have to let every young kid who is not informed of nitrous lethal use. I feel for your loss, my brother was[q[quot]uot] my very best friend. He was ta[quot]ken to heaven for a rea[quot]son. He was an adorable kid [quot][quot]with alot of energy. He was very successful with my fathers business. He did something t[quot]hat was no laughing matter. The day after his funeral, the daily news wrote a story about the Eagles fans having nitrous by their side tailgating. One week too late. If my brother Michael Fessler would of read that article, mayb[/quot]e he would be alive today. By the way My brother read the Philadelphia Daily News every day. The only paper he read while he was at work. I know this because we worked together. So my point is that God chose my bother to make an impact on this area about the deadly gas. He had 2000 people signed in at his viewing mass. Imagine how many lives he and God has saved. Your friend made[quot] an impact and h[/quot]is job here on Earth is done. He now is a messenger for the Lord. I went to catholic school all my life,and I too have questioned my faith. My brother knew this and now he is sending signs from Heaven to me, that he is with God. Talk to your friend ask him to show you a certain symbol that might have represented you and he. I Know he will answer you. Please take care of your friends you still have now. Becau[/quot]se life is trying,and you never know!!![/quot] kkkkkk [/quot] [/quot]

[Yvonne]: [quot]Yvonne: [Yvonne]: [quot][Yvonne]: [quot][Brendan Wellings]: [quot]You are truly are[/quot] a wonderful person to have written such a beautiful letter for your best friend. I just recently lost my brother on Oct.5th. He happened to come across a nitrous tank. Yes he[quot] die[/quot]d. He was 23, almost 24. I feel I have to let every young kid who is not informed of nitrous lethal use. I feel for your loss, my brother was[q[quot]uot] my very best friend. He was ta[quot]ken to heaven for a rea[quot]son. He was an adorable kid [quot][quot]with alot of energy. He was very successful with my fathers business. He did something t[quot]hat was no laughing matter. The day after his funeral, the daily news wrote a story about the Eagles fans having nitrous by their side tailgating. One week too late. If my brother Michael Fessler would of read that article, mayb[/quot]e he would be alive today. By the way My brother read the Philadelphia Daily News every day. The only paper he read while he was at work. I know this because we worked together. So my point is that God chose my bother to make an impact on this area about the deadly gas. He had 2000 people signed in at his viewing mass. Imagine how many lives he and God has saved. Your friend made[quot] an impact and h[/quot]is job here on Earth is done. He now is a messenger for the Lord. I went to catholic school all my life,and I too have questioned my faith. My brother knew this and now he is sending signs from Heaven to me, that he is with God. Talk to your friend ask him to show you a certain symbol that might have represented you and he. I Know he will answer you. Please take care of your friends you still have now. Becau[/quot]se life is trying,and you never know!!![/quot] kkkkkk [/quot] [/quot] [/quot]

[Yvonne]: [quot][Yvonne]: [quot]Yvonne: [Yvonne]: [quot][Yvonne]: [quot][Brendan Wellings]: [quot]You are truly are[/quot] a wonderful person to have written such a beautiful letter for your best friend. I just recently lost my brother on Oct.5th. He happened to come across a nitrous tank. Yes he[quot] die[/quot]d. He was 23, almost 24. I feel I have to let every young kid who is not informed of nitrous lethal use. I feel for your loss, my brother was[q[quot]uot] my very best friend. He was ta[quot]ken to heaven for a rea[quot]son. He was an adorable kid [quot][quot]with alot of energy. He was very successful with my fathers business. He did something t[quot]hat was no laughing matter. The day after his funeral, the daily news wrote a story about the Eagles fans having nitrous by their side tailgating. One week too late. If my brother Michael Fessler would of read that article, mayb[/quot]e he would be alive today. By the way My brother read the Philadelphia Daily News every day. The only paper he read while he was at work. I know this because we worked together. So my point is that God chose my bother to make an impact on this area about the deadly gas. He had 2000 people signed in at his viewing mass. Imagine how many lives he and God has saved. Your friend made[quot] an impact and h[/quot]is job here on Earth is done. He now is a messenger for the Lord. I went to catholic school all my life,and I too have questioned my faith. My brother knew this and now he is sending signs from Heaven to me, that he is with God. Talk to your friend ask him to show you a certain symbol that might have represented you and he. I Know he will answer you. Please take care of your friends you still have now. Becau[/quot]se life is trying,and you never know!!![/quot] kkkkkk [/quot] [/quot] [/quot] [/quot]