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As I sit and watch the Brownies, I feel you near and I remember your cheer. It's games like these I wish you were here...AND as I'm sure your aware we have had some awful games/seasons for the past several years...but even still there were those games that made me stop and think of you and your passion and endless devotion to the Browns[all the CLE teams but I always felt like the Brownies were just a bit more special to you]...This game[-vs-Falcons]is one you would be proud of..not over yet and even if we lose[NO chance]just seeing them playing like a team with passion and teamwork shows me that our Brownies[may not have the greatest record, but at least we WON 1]are in the process of having a team we always beleived we could and should have..LET'S GO BROWNIES--LET'S GO!! LOVE U FOREVER 'TIL WE MEET AGAIN...

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Well it's now over 10yrs since you were taken from us. We all still miss you greatly EVERYDAY. Can't help to think how different our lives would be if you were still here. Sorry it's been forever since I've been on here...kept thinking about it and then forgetting. Always loving and missing you greatly!!!! ' Til we meet again, K

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Chelsea Anne Ava
8 years ago

http://youtu.be/8ejF8Qv6VZk You would dance your dupah off to this song if you heard it.. I know you would love Bruno too! Mariah has gone off the deep end, but I still listen to her old stuff that you loved. Rap is still crap, I would much rather listen to Smashing Pumpkins and old school Eminem, but I really like Beyoncé too. She reps women everywhere and I know you'd respect that. But listen to that song and tell me you don't love it. Love, Your young wild thing

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Chelsea Anne Ava
8 years ago

You are my hero! It is through you that I love my life to the fullest. Andrew adores you and misses you. I wish there was a way that I could bring you back for a day.. Not for me, but for Andrew! And Kelcye and Lilly! I'm afraid that Kelcye and Lilly will never remember you, mama! Please stay with them forever--Kelcye needs you and also Kristen does too! I'm so afraid that Kelcye is headed down the wrong path. She needs guidance so please help her. Also, let her know if possible that she is loved so much! I know you adored her mom, but I'm really scared for her seriously because she is doing dumb stuff. Worse stuff than I was into and it makes me scared for Kristen. Kristen is my rock and if anything were to happen to her, my ship would sink. I just miss you so much, I have so much to tell you, but please know that just because I don't talk to you always. Doesn't mean I don't think of you always! You are me best friend, mom. I miss you so much. Tears don't bring you back and neither does anger. I have tried to come to terms that you're not coming back, but I hate it. It makes me sad.. And then makes me angry and I just want to talk to you and have one more sleepover. You truly were my best friend and I want to let you know that I thank you for the way you raised me and everything you did for me. Please show me a sign mom--I'm waiting for anything. Ohh and guess what! Alby is gonna be a dad. To a little girl. I hope she looks like you. She will have your name, Agnes as her middle name. I know, I know--you didn't like that name, but be happy. You're gonna have another granddaughter and hopefully she gives Alby and Tara hell. She will be spoiled by us, don't worry. Love you!!

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I have missed this site so much. Still think about you every day-forever and always. 'Til we meet again.....love you, miss you always.

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...I'll be good... It's weird because when I'm at work I'm 95% of the time in an alright to good mood. Then I come home and I'm either overwhelmed by the girls or completely bored off my ass... I have no motivation---I want to look/feel better but the urge to do some sit ups and lift weights is completely unappealing...BUT I know I need to do something. I know what I need to do...I just don't want to be sober and think'n.... Aaaah anywho, that's the gist of my dilemma....my little life down here....I know I make bigger deals of things----allowing my imagination to take over reality....It's a problem I've always had.....I just won't act on it....well, for the most part.... FOREVER my momma you'll be.... ....'til we meet again...

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....I just miss you....sooooo MUCH!! ALL the songs you'll never hear...the movies you'll never see...the opinions we'll never hear....the RECIPES we'll never know.... ....your voice...your laugh...your smile....it's getting harder and harder to remember....but no matter what I will NEVER forget what I know, now... ALWAYS AND FOREVER....

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...you were with me on the highway home from work....I KNOW YOU WERE...grandpa too...it was a doozy....blown out tire--veer over to the other lane w/out looking and when I look in the rearview I see a Ryder truck right behind me....all I could think is I was so lucky and everyone involved was too....I love you so much and I'll do my best to get on here more....Even though I have still yet to see you in my dreams....I now see you are here with me---with us every single day(Monty)--known that one for a while--anywho---LOVE you tons...MISS you greatly!!! ...til we meet again... P.S. Andy's(I mean Drew's---funny how I wanted to call him that now that's all he wants to go by) gonna be 17!!!!!!!!!!!! P.P.S. THANK YOU!!!

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....since I've been on here...just been kinda BLAH!!? Anywho kinda drunk'n and as always and forever I miss you so much! Can't believe it's gonna be 5 years...it makes me sick when I think about it... Dad is now retired which is awesome...just hope he does what he said he was gonna do!!!!!!! I fear that lil' bro may be going thru some tough times---don't know how to help him thru, but to just tell him I'm HERE, come on OVER!!! Please do your best to keep him safe and out of harms way...ALL aspects of it!!!! BIg bro...I fear for him as well but not because he doesn't know, but because he does....and he still gets into shit...sister...well, she's just like me(to an extent---DRUNK"N, so what room do I have to say anything??! Which I have ENDLESS TIMES!!?) LOVE YOU FOREVER! MISS you ENLESSLY..."til we meet again.............

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...that life wouldn't be so hard as I got older....AND it seems the older I get the more complex it gets....I don't understand how I could let myself get so low...I know that I do too much thinking and then all hell breaks lose...I need to relax---BREATH---let it ALL out---get OVER it... I'm so sorry momma....I'm so ashamed... Wish I had your shoulder to cry on....

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...from every thought I make... The girls are play'n football---can you believe it?! I do---and I'm so excited!! It's gonna be rough---have NO IDEA how you did it especially with Alby and I in different sports----crazyness! Wish I could find a job like the one I have only that pays more and not so---Military Grade School BS....we can't talk,laugh or smile----NO FUN ALLOWED---All I can do is keep on, keep'n on and hope something else better comes along....This past week at work was a NIGHTMARE---worst week ever!! I feel alone in so many ways...I am aware that you only live once and that you should go for whatever you want---I'm just no sure what that is---I don't have a clue what to do.... Forever lost without you... K

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...not being able to be the person I once was----I have absolutely no confidence...Don't know how to get myself out of this rut.....I really have tried....so lost without you...

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...wanting you here to call and wish my baby girl a Happy Birthday--9 years today...how the time has flown by...just thought--she was 4/5 the year you passed...so young....she knows she was loved very much by her Nana...just wish you were here to show her your awesomeness... LOVE you 'til we meet again

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...went over to Grams and Gramps to try and go thru and clean up all the trash and gather up what Grams wants....going thru this box (mainly junk) I came across an envelope and it was addressed to me...from 1983, when I came up here...It was so unexpected and awesome to find! I still can't believe it.... LOVE you FOREVER MISS you ENDLESSLY Your Sissy

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....love you forever...

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...all along I was meant to be alone.... I want someone who is willing to find out what I want and help me get it---who wants to make me happy, to be honest, love me for me and make me laugh... Am I dreaming?!! I miss you so much momma! Wish you were here to smack the Polska outta me!! I'll be tap dancing on a cloud----when we meet again!! XoXo

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...First off, Happy belated Birthday and Anniversary! Dad, Alby, Andy, Kelcye, & I are all another year older...woopidy doo! 'Cept for Kelc' 10...can't believe it double digits & Drew...15, good God keep him smart and safe! Happy 2012! I moved out on my own Halloween weekend...its been enlightening! I'm happy! Have the girls every other week...the only thing that sux is not seeing them everyday...But, I believe it will make our relationship all the more stronger! Love u grrls! Other then that work just made a turn for the better...getting rid of bad seeds.... So glad Karma kicked some well deserved ass! Miss you everyday! 'til we meet again... LOVE U!

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...Since I've wrote you, sorry! Still miss you every DAY! Now you and grandpa-pa can be together and hopefully get to know one another... I know Chels made you proud(minus all the drinks) but she has gone through and has to put up with ALOT! I hope you feel we made the right choices with gramps..I feel we did..It was so hard, momma.... I wish you were here for Andy and the old man and grams and me, but most of all Chels...I realized this just recently....you guys had the relationship I always longed for with you and then puberty hit and I was off trying to do my own thing...rebel without a cause.....I know you were exactly the same....I've seen the pictures! MISS you endlessly! Hope you and grandpa-pa smile down apon us....LOVE you!

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I'm not sure...I don't want to have to remember and be the REMINDER for everything and EVERYONE...I want my work to not suck so much....I want to feel the love and affection from my love...even if he has to "steal his kisses from me"....I want my girls to show me respect at all times.....that one's pushing it, I know....but come on now....I want to be happy as can be, all the time...maybe I'll just jump down the rabbit hole... So I'm back to work...not even sure when I went back...it's been over a month...went to physical therapy...it's over...I go back at the end of the month for another evaluation and then I'll probably get booted....I haven't been doing my exercises at all....I've been so exhausted....excuses, excuses I know! I just don't remember and when my alarm goes off for the most part I haven't been home to do them or I've been too drunk... ENOUGH LOVE YOU MISS YOU FOREVER

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....I could see you again....one more time.....I'd tell you how much I love you and how sorry I am for all the wrong I did and thank you for all the good you gave me....hold you tightly and kiss you....sing you our song...laugh about all the great times.....cry about the hard ones.....if only...... Miss you endlessly 'til we meet again... LOVE you forever

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I can't believe it..I still don't want to believe it!....I feel I have failed you, my family,myself-- by not being able to control myself....I have become obsessed and can't stop...I have been out of work since last Monday....it sucks...knees again, momma! All I can do is get stronger and better...Going to therapy to strengthen my thighs and hips which should help with the arthritis which was caused from my crooked knee caps---therapy will hopefully help those as well! Uuugh and through all this I still haven't stopped thinking about it...how fucked up is that....I wish I could find the shut off switch.... HELP ME! Love and Miss you endlessly!

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.......no matter how hard I try I can't take the pain away from losing you....your missing so much...the girls are playing basketball at Estrabrook--as I yell for them to dribble or shoot the ball, all I can think of is how you were at all my games and meets on the sidelines yelling your head off, you have no idea how much I wish you were by my side yelling right along with me.... Your little man is going to the best school around--I know how proud you are! Sister is kicking ass in school! Alby is doing the best he can. Dad is still so lost without you....we try to get him motivated but his motivation was you... Love you forever 'til we meet again, I'll imagine you by my side....

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I will do my best to live each day as happy as can be...we're in the process of moving back to Rademaker.....Chels pointed out something quite interesting....on your license----your address is Rademaker...come to think of it so is mine...I'm still working through the red....can't seem to stop...it sucks...not sure how to stop it....at a loss....I hope that I can gain the freak'n confidence it takes to get over this massive pain.....That is what it's gonna take---I know it...How do you gain confidence? LOST without YOU.......... LOVE you MISS you 'til we meet again .....this pic of the girls makes me think of you so much---for you momma!

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..........miss you too much.......... LOVE you K

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...since I've written you,sorry! Happy Christmas and Merry 2011.....I hope! It'll be a year at the end of the month that I've been working at A-M.....woopidy-doo!!! I wonder how many times I have to fall on my face before I give up.....NEVER! I come from you and I know you would never go down without a fight. For that I thank you endlessly! I just need to boost myself back up to where I once was....kinda lost myself, I'm doing my best to get me back,it's so hard! Send me some strength!! LOVE you so much!! Wish you were HERE!! 'til we meet again!

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!!.... Miss you so much! I realized today, you were the one that always made me feel like I was apart of the family, even though I have a family of my own....I miss that so much! I can't say sorry,enough....I'm sorry. AND you know what's sad---I don't think I would of ever realized how much you meant to me while you were here.....I took you for granted....... LOVE you momma 'til we meet again...I'll make it up to you then....PROMISE!!

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....that make me think of you....sometimes I can see why, others I'm not so sure about.... One thing I know for sure is, we were all better off with you here! Miss you everyday LOVE you FOREVER 'til we meet again....

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...of myself...is this a test to see how much I can take....Some days are great(for the most part) and then others are out of control. I'm sick being like this....it's the only thing that is keeping me from enjoying the life I have...it's on my mind constantly...I'm sure that is part of the problem---but I haven't a clue how to stop. Most times I just start thinking and don't even realize what in the hell I'm doing, until it's too late. Wish you were here to smack it out of me! LOVE you endlessly Miss you forever 'til we meet again.....

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I know that I can't hear you, but I know your listening...If you could just PLEASE help me get over this massive hurdle....I would be so happy....I don't know how much more I can take...I'm already starting to crack!! It's such a handicap---If you would please use your divine powers and set me free of this crushing obstacle... I must work on making myself the best I can be----I have to start with this.... LOVE you Miss you constantly 'til we meet again

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...you are that star shining bright, that Monarch flying high, the sparkle in my smile...I miss you so much....I just want you back, dammit!! LOVE you forever 'til we meet again.... The Brownies lost their first game....bummer....but I still have faith!!!

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we'll be going over the house for dinner tonight....the Browns are playing not sure if it's their first game or still pre-season. Let's go Brownies!! Miss you momma wish you could be here to cheer on a win!! Oooooooh, I remember the good 'ol days when we'd all sit around and hoot and holler....those we're the days.... 'til we meet again....LOVE YOU.....MISS YOU.....

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....and I'm so lonesome with out you and I can't get you out of my mind....Yes i tried to ignore...oooh there's blood on the floor...It's just this heart on my sleeve that's bleeding...oooh momma don't walk away... MISS YOU EVERYDAY!! LOVE YOU FOREVER!! 'til we meet again....

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....the sun is shining bright, the girls are drawing with chalk, Maxx is chillin' and I'm thinking how it would be great for you to stop by anytime now----like you always did.... I miss you too much.... The heartache is torturous....... 'til we meet again........

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Had Lil's 7th birthday party today....Thank goodness it didn't storm until it was over...Lil' got some GREAT things----spoiled rotten!! Had family and friends over it was nice!! Wish you were here so I could of "water ballooned" ya!!! LOVE you endlessly MISS you everyday 'til we meet again....

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I feel you were with me last weekend (and this passed one) except for the fact that I slipped and got one hell of a bubble-bruise.........UGH!! I really needed it!! Thank you! ..............AND then work comes..........BUMMER!! Other then that, things are as good as can be! On a much happier note----Lil' my baby, is about to be 7---a week tomorrow! I can not believe it! So wish you were here...........I'm always saying to myself, wish I could get ma's opinion, or what was that thing that we did or saw or how old was I when that happened..... Not a day goes bye.....not ONE.....LOVE you FOREVER! 'til we meet again.......

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I wish I might......see you in a star tonight.....I look up often hoping to see something, anything that is a "sign" from you.....although I see beauty, I never see "you".... In just a few weeks my baby will be 7...I can't believe it!! It's hard everyday...there is so much I want to tell you about and so much advice I want to be given.... I still feel guilt everyday....it hasn't lessened...but, at least I see that I didn't react out of pure hatred...I just reacted to the action that was placed upon me....not that, that makes me feel better...just a little easier to understand my actions.... LOVE you forever and ever 'til we meet again..... Still waiting for your help, with my "inner" problem.....

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.........tomorrow..... After work...I'll be at the house....I hope everyone is there!! For a little at least! You are the one...You will always be...A part of my heart is FOREVER EMPTY... MISS you ENDlessly Always on my mind FOREVER your oldest

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Sorry it's late! It was a nice day! Woke up late---surprisingly it's been a while---mind you didn't go to bed 'til 4am....Chelsea and Sherry were here....so you know we were drinking! It was fun! Damian,the girls,Maxx and I went to Isaac Lake---LOVED IT...bit chilly but it still rocked!! This Friday it will be 2 years....The only good thing is, I can hang with the fam....the Langford's and as I call them. I just want you to know that I will stop at nothing to make you proud. The only problem are these tendencies...try as I might....PLEASE help me...I don't want this! I can honestly say----when I sit back and think about it----I am happier. I'm not saying every day.........I have to make myself happier....don't get me wrong there are numerous people that make me happy, I've always had that....it's the me that I lost....must find myself..... LOVE you forever 'til we meet again.......

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.....how can I feel so alone?

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...and a dollar short....in just less then a month it will be two years....It"s unbelievable....and to think when you were here I always wanted you gone....now that you are...it will never be the same...your are the missing piece of our puzzle.... We never did have that family meeting and even though I've seen Andy it isn't until now that I remember what was going on....so much has happened these passed few weeks---as I'm sure you know...and it's been kinda crazy.! You know us!!? I definitely want to still have a family meeting...just not sure when? Must talk to sister and the old man and set something up! Even though I may not cry as much....there still isn't a day that you are not thought of and missed. ........'Til we meet again LOVE YOU

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April Fool"s.......haha so funny....anyway back to reality...(you are my first and only "April Fool's recipient")......today Chels had her Chardonnay....she called just after I got home from the job and told me Andy's been acting out at school....I was totally shocked and floored....Dad says he is taking your "shoes"...spoiling him rotten...Alby and Chels are stuck being Andy's "enforcers"....it sucks---wish there was more I could do...But I'm not there all the time to have a clue what is going on.....I have to get with it but it is so hard........I think I can speak for all of us and say----Dad has got to STEP IT UP.....Seriously, we are all willing to help! DAMMIT Momma----What do we do?.....................................We decided a "family meeting".....hopefully Saturday evening..... I have talked with dad...it doesn't seem to help....not really sure what will.....above all the craziness I already have going on in my head...I feel overwhelmed when I think of how to help dad and Al and Chels and Andy....I love them and would die for them....but I'm not sure how to help..... MISS you always LOVE you FOREVER 'til we meet again.....

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..it will be two years since you have been gone....I can not believe it!! I still miss you each and every single day. The guilt of all that I did still remains...I don't think I will ever be rid of it.... Today I am going to go and see grandpa--he broke his hip and had surgery yesterday. I will send him your love....Don't know how on earth you ever did it momma. Help me to be strong and to push these thoughts out of my mind..... LOVE you forever MISS you always 'til we meet again.....

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this is it momma as of Friday I have a job!! I'm super excited and at the same time very scared....I know I can do this job---that's not what I'm scared about it's the fam...D goes out of town, 1 week every month---AND that is where I have the fear.....40 hours,the girls,the in-laws....GIVE me the strength and motivation to kick ass!! LOVE you FOREVER MISS you ENDLESSLY

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I fear I have destroyed my girls,their childhood,their innocence......I CAN NOT take it any more momma----I need to ---NO I must get a job---something...anything will do.....................

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....make me stronger...I cannot believe how hard it is for me when D is not there...it seems to only get worse and worse---they are constantly "back-talking" me.....I'm so going out of my mind---with,about,on them..it seems I've done way too much explaining and not enough discipline....I am so afraid I'm going to lose it and not come back...I hope I can stick with this and get them to finally "get it".... LOVE you forever and ever MISS you always

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I can't handle the shits of life....I feel like a total loser-failure.....I know it's pathetic at 31 to still have no idea or motivation for that matter,what to do with my life...I'm sure I'll have to settle for another dead-end job with no reward and a whole lot of shit....oooh well that is what I got myself into----no need for everyone to suffer!! LOVE you endlessly MISS you forever 'til we meet again....

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.....And the days go by.......I think of you often......You are never far from my mind......I wonder how I could ever have thought that you were the one that stood in my way.....When all you ever did was clear the way..... I can't believe how the older I get----the more clearer I see...... I wish you were here to push me through..... I love you I miss you

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Happy 53rd!!! Miss you forever! ..til we meet again!!

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I love you......wish you were here.....less then a month and your 53rd birthday is here.....It will never ever be the same! XoXoXoXo Happy Birthday!!!

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Whoever said it gets easier, was sadly mistaken...as the days pass, I want you here more and more.... I LOVE AND MISS YOU!! Wish you were here......

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