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Anonymous
11 years ago

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Jacqueline
14 years ago

Pocky, I never expected this - after all these years. I even googled your name and I only found old sites of yours dating back to 03. And I assumed you were okay, even when I didn't find your name on the forum - I thought you had taken a hiatus like me, but that you were still amongst us, the living, just somewhere in Singapore, doing what we all do. And then I happened to come across a thread about TFers who died and your name was there. I was so sure it was a mistake, I even posted to ask someone to confirm the news and to ask what had happened to you but by the time I got to the end of the thread, I saw the post by Airlie with a link to this page. Oh Pocky, to find you dead after all these years apart and all this time. U were so encouraging and friendly, esp through the darkest days of my ED, I remember your love of music, and how you followed my blog, my life closely - you cared when I was down, you bothered about me, and I, you. And, now, you are gone. Such a sweet intelligent friend, gone too soon. May you find peace and be at peace my dear friend. I will always remember you, and remember you in my prayers.

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Anonymous
16 years ago

i ReMeMbA d FiRsT tYm i SaW u. . . U DiNt wAnA TaLk To AnYbOdY n BeHiNd DaT fAcE i NoE iTz SuMwAn mUcH fRiEndLiER. We DiD TaLk N wE At A pOiNt oF tYm iN oUr LiVeS gEt So cLoSe. We'Re sTaYiN tOgEdA, EaTiN, pArTyiN, cRyiN. . . i JuZ LoSt My BeLoVeD bF. He LeFt mE aFtA aN aBoRtiOn N iT hUrTz. . U uNdAsToOd D pAiN n U bRoUgHt SuNsHiNe To My RaiNy dAeZ. i ApPrEciAtE iT sOo MuCh BuT i CaNt RePaY dAt bCk NoW. . HoW fAsT tYm gOeS bY. Ur nOw oUt oF rEaCh. i MiZ u. . . WeN u sCoLd mE fOr bEiN tOo WeAk N nOt StAnDiN uP fA mY rYtZ. i LiStEnEd. . WeN wE aRe cLoSeR, i DiD FaLL fA u. YeS iT wAs LoVe. . i DuNo HoW u FeLt BuT wUd We HaD tOLd Me DaT u FeLt d SaMe WaE tOo. No MoRe cRaZeE nYtZ. . No MoRe.. i WaN tO sMiLe N wAtCh mE gRoW uP tO b A wOmAn. My bDaE WiL b On D 27th. At DaT pOiNt oF tYm WeN u CrOsSeD mY LiFe U aRe mY fRiEnD, SiStEr, MoThEr N a LoVeR. i LoVe U LaUra. . ReSt iN pEaCe My dEaR. CuZ dEr iSnT gOnA b AnYmOrE pAiN fA u. . . ReMeMbA iCeBoX bY oMaRiOn?? DaT wAs OuR fAv sOnG. . . iTz LiKe aN iCebOx wEr My HeArT uSe To Be. NaThAn, pLeAse CoNtAcT mE aT 83737747. i ChAnGe My NuMbA.

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Anonymous
16 years ago

49th day today and my birthday too. I hope you're doing great up there. Weird to know you're not here. So weird. But hey - i'll see you someday up there. At least you'll look younger :P

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Anonymous
16 years ago

Pocky.. how have you been? it is your 49th day today. I hope everything went well so far. I hope you can finally go to your castle on a cloud. Maybe you are already in there. I am doing ok. At least i am trying to be.This commuting between two countries makes me busy. When i am busy I think of you less.. selfish huh? :-) yeah.. It is your 49th day....I do have to let you go... but I do not know how to yet.

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Anonymous
16 years ago

haiz... missing you babez...

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Nathan
16 years ago

This is from the face book forum. it was written on Dec/ 28. I hope she already had all the things in whatever place she is now. ****************************************************************************** whoa for a former ascetic, i now want alot. a hell lot. i want sanity. i want to walk and dance again. now in fact. i want my allergies and their subsequent reactions to go away i want baileys even if id throw up after drinking it i want a great massage. swedish possibly. by a woman. i want to get a wax appointment. i want to go to bangkok i want to eat. food. yum. i want dry tart cider. or sparkling wine. cold. i want new books i want a bigger room. i want to complete my degree. i want money. lots of it. or perhaps just enough. i want new clothes. i want to not want anything. lifes much simpler.

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-Ni-
16 years ago

I hate weekend without you. There is absolutely nothing to look forward to. And I hate driving alone. I hate coming back to an empty home. I hate waking up in an empty bed, Missing someone who used to occupy the space. And I hate watching movie with someone else. Really, I rather watch it by myself. No I don't miss your companionship. These days, I have people occupy almost my every minute. What I miss is you, the very thing you say, the very thing you do. I think of you with my every breath. It's been many days since we last met. And I hope you're doing fine. I hope the life you live is better than what you've left behind. --------------------------------------------------------- I wrote this for Pocky on the night of November 23rd, a couple of weeks after she had left KL for good. I think I am going to feel exactly the same over and over again.

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Nathan
16 years ago

Recently she visited couple of food web sites as she enjoyed "watching" food. she loved sushi and tried to make it by herself around Jan 15. I provided her with sushi. she realized she needs sticky rice. I beleive her mom bought that for her later. Here is her favorate food website. http://forums.egullet.org she left about 30 comments on this site since last Dec. Her last post was on Jan/20, two days before she passed away. You can search all of her post using her id, jedi_pocky.

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Nathan
16 years ago

She wrote it on Dec/29. She was in the severe pain and holiday depression. reading it again.. still makes me cry. ******************************************************************************** ur fuckin cloud there is a castle on a fuckin cloud i like to go there in my sleep aint got no tears for me to weep thats when i drink just all about. there is a room that's full of joy, there are a pretty girl and boys, nobody shouts or talks too loud, not in my castle on a cloud. there is a lady all in white, holds me and sings a lullaby, she's nice to see and she's damn good to touch, she says "pocky, I love you very much." i want a place where i aint lost, i need a place where i wont cry, crying at all is not allowed, not in my castle on a cloud.

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Nathan
16 years ago

this is what I found from her closed blog. ************************************************************************** Will and Testament. In the event of death, I, Chen Pochen @ Franz Pocky would like the following requests to be respected and carried out: - immediate cremation, or as soon as possible; - no funeral service or religious hoopla; - to be burnt along with my favourite stuff; - minimal mourning or whatsoever but rather, throw a party ; - to donate whatever organs possible, or if possible, donate by corpse for scientific study; - sell whatever items that can be sold to cover any unpaid debt; - no rubbish obituary and most certainly no religious passages. In the event of a severe accident resulting in the loss of bodily functions: - to have life support turned off immediately; - find some legal loophole or ship me to Europe to be euthanised. All this is requested by me as of May 2004.

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Nathan
16 years ago

People say 美人薄命. Talented people tend to die young It is so true for Pocky. Pocky just joined the genius who left us too early. I don't think I can say everything I want to say. I have too many and too intense memories with her. Some people say that we should celebrate her life instead of mourning her death. Can I? I have many memories I can't get from anybody else in the world. I can surely cherish those memories and celebrate the time she was with me. However, can I really celebrate her life? After I heard about her struggling in life between 2004 and 2006, after she told me the struggling in regret, desperate justification, and denial in tears, how can I celebrate her life. After I heard and found out why she doesn't believe in love, and the situation that the love pushes herself into, how can I ever celebrate her life. I surely cannot celebrate her multifaceted life especially after I observed, and desperately tried to share her recent struggling caused by her leg injury. I am not sure I am in the biggest grief or fieriest anger in my life. Even with all the struggling in her life, she was about turning her life around. Her physical pain made her depression worse. However, the fact is she was trying to plan for her new life, something she can truly celebrate. She had many detailed plans after her surgery. I never have seen she was that sincere toward her own life in our short year long relationship. She was about to contact NUS to find out a way to get herself back. She was thinking about the new major in the university, and we talked about the best job for her superb talents in many things. She saw me in a very serious look when we talked about those things recently. It was just two weeks ago. I thought her physical pain and certain restriction on her side did mature her in many ways. She fought hard. She never gave up. Recently, she had to make a choice between two kinds of unbearable pain as the painkillers for her necrosis interact with her skin problem and gave even bigger pain on her skin. She called me and cried out on Jan/12, but she tried to regain her strength on the pain. I wanted to be a good shoulder she can lean on. However, I was not even a good ear for her when she called me on Jan/15th which was our last talk. I had to leave her for a week for my business strip. That kills me. So much exasperation and regret. I can't celebrate her life. I do want to believe that she is in a painless world now. However, she will be in a better situation in a month or so anyway as the surgery was about to be scheduled in Feb or Mar. Her long wait for the surgery was almost over. The life she can celebrate later was about to coming back to her. I once called her “A total package.” I found all the great things packed in her beautiful body. I am sure that I cannot meet anybody who is smarter, cleaver, wittier and prettier than her at the same time. Pocky and I talked a lot. I missed the time we talked each other for seven hours. No matter how long we talked, our conversation never became inane from her side, though I couldn't catch up her various interest couple of times. When I talk about something she is not familiar with, she wrote down that in her small notebook. In the next day, I could meet a beautiful girl who has even more knowledge in that topic than me. She was a very fast thinker that a slow person like me never can catch up with. I could only connect her leap of thoughts long after I she cast. Truly amazing girl. Pocky. I really loved your total package. You do know that right? Remember? Occam's razor and Lex Parsimoniae!! You cannot explain all the things without accepting I love you. That is the simplest explanation for all the things between us. You, the Queen of Denial (yeah yeah, I do believe you are making love with Mark Anthony of the Rome now.) I will not complain for not getting your timely reply as I used to do. Just talk to me sometime whenever you feel like. Even it is once a year. I can wait. I will be patient. Yeah I know I wasn't, but now I can be. I promise. Pocky.. Please do talk to me in whatever form possible to you. You always say that you can talk to me whenever you want but I can’t talk to you whenever I want. So you can find a way to talk to me even now right? You know that I can’t annoy you with flood of SMS anymore. So please.. please find a way. I do have some crazy topic I want to talk with you.. You will be very surprised. I was even reading Kafka on the flight back to Singapore. Ah.. Pocky...Please..At least let me apologize for not having a bigger heart when we met last time. Pocky….

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Anonymous
16 years ago

No matter what happened and where we were, you were always there. The umpteen times we would blabber over prata and teh. The times we drunk, the times we got depressed... the times my friend, will never be replacable. I wish I can say good bye properly. I really miss you

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Anonymous
16 years ago

I am sad to hear, that she passed away. I never got to meet her, but we got in touch about three years ago through my blog (fading-hope.blog-city.com). She really seemed to be a special girl and I have been trying to get in touch with her again a few times last year. R.I.P. Pocky

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Anonymous
16 years ago

There are so many things that I can say about you. But when I start reading the other memories left by your friends, I guess that's when I know we really should have kept in touch all these time. I wasn't even aware of your pain, I don't even recognise the names of the clubs you patronise, the new friends you made or where you moved to exactly. That's how long it's been since we last spoke or met up. And then I get to thinking of all the times I know I could have made the effort to reach out to you (despite hearing how hard it is to get you sometimes), or how I could have left you a simple message on Facebook to find out how you were doing - But I didn't. The regret I feel is unfathomable. You were always there for me through our SAC and JC days. I wish so much now that I could have done what you did for me and perhaps now, I would be more at ease with myself. I remember the times you were just a phonecall/sms away. The times I got upset, you would want to travel the distance just to be with me. The times you left cookies on my table in class, so I would have something to eat at the start of the day. Or drop flowers by my place. The times you would see me, break out into a smile and call me 'Sunshine'. The times you would poke fun/laugh at me, but still stand up for me without fail. I remember how brilliant you were at school. Your fantastic grades, your ability to write and express yourself so very well, your ability to sight-read and play just about every instrument we had in the band room. And how you always signed off your every note/letter with your trademark 'I am Empress' sketching. Or how about the time I told you how much I love the Moulin Rouge soundtrack, and you spent the night burning me a copy - Complete with a cd case and printout. I cannot believe how final death feels. And a week on, I still cannot believe you're gone. Every quiet lil pockets of my everyday, I still think of you and wish so much I did more for you. I wish I knew you were unwell, I wish there was something I could have done for you, chided you to eat, stop drinking excessively etc. You have absolutely no idea how much you touched my life all those years. I wish you knew how much I cared about you, even as you mocked and call me a 'cold, heartless bitch'. I hope now, that wherever you are - You are happier, free of pain and reading all the books that you want to read. Wherever you are right now, I hope you know how much love you have in your life. And that you're now at peace.

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Celine Ng-
16 years ago

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Aresha G.K
16 years ago

ehhh that was the hat :/ she looks like her mum in the pic on the right hurhurhur

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Anonymous
16 years ago

I only met Pocky twice or thrice. She came by to this jam pub in Boat Quay that I hang around at and we chatted a little. Then I think it was in Oct 2007 she dropped by again. Clearly something was wrong, she was on crutches, and I also noticed that her hair was very thinned out.. unnaturally thin (from chemotheraphy?). Instinctively, I felt that she was very sick, perhaps down with the big C or something else just as serious. At the same time, I was impressed at her courage in still venturing forth even in those challenging circumstances, in her determination to live to the fullest in the face of impending calamity. She of course, was a very beautiful girl, immediately magnetic and attractive. So I made it a point to go up to her and talk to her. We chatted comfortably, and then when the pub closed, I brought her to another all nite pub, where we stayed till morning time, after which I sent her back to her place near Boon Keng Road. Although we said we would meet up again, she never did quite make it. Soon after, my messages to her went unanswered. I never really knew the reason for this, thought perhaps it was due to her sickness or impending operation. From time to time, I would think about her, and wondered how she was getting on. Then finally today, the sms about her passing came. It was a sad thing to hear, yet not really a suprise somehow. Thanks to this site, I am able to see Pocky a little more clearly. On a Friday night like tonight, just like the one that I met her on last year, clearly it strikes me about how unfair and sad life can be. I am heartened by the words of her close friends here. Not really knowing her well, yet well enough to feel sorry for never being to see her again.. I would like to request her friends here to tell her story in a little more detail, especially these last months or years where she was probably seriously ill. It would help to shed some light on the saga of her last days, and help everyone to understand more clearly about what she had to go through and what she was really sick from. God bless you Pocky, I hope the next chapter for you will be a better one, and perhaps we will meet again on the other side.

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Anonymous
16 years ago

I'm never really good with words and poems. So cut me some slack. But perhaps with some numbers, i could do better. It was class 1.8 that brought us together. 6 nerdy 13 year olds formed an alliance known as the chicken pie club. After which were the memories of the two terror classes (4.4 and 4.5) apparently destined to fail according to the teachers. but we proved them wrong. As we went separate ways, the number slowly dwindled down to 4. You, Aresha, Audrey and I. Memories of Zouk, Drum n Bass events and our 21st birthdays. Even as 4, i admit it was hard for all of us to get together. But i'm really glad i have fresh memories from 2007. Curry at Apollo, 3 of us squeezing into an mx5 and wine at House Barracks. The last i saw of you was Oosh and Martini Firm. I really had fun that night and i never thought it would be the last. So goodbye my friend. You will be ethched in our minds. Lots of Love and Hugs.

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Nathan
16 years ago

Recently she visited couple of food web sites as she enjoyed "watching" food. she loved sushi and tried to make it by herself around Jan 15. I provided her with sushi. she realized she needs sticky rice. I beleive her mom bought that for her later. Here is her favorate food website. http://forums.egullet.org she left about 30 comments on this site since last Dec. Her last post was on Jan/20, two days before she passed away. You can search all of her post using her id, jedi_pocky.

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Nathan
16 years ago

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Aresha G.K
16 years ago

hahahahahaha.... omg. i remember that dress... i was in her house and she was showing me this giant lump of gold cloth. yeah it's a wig. she was really good at designing clothes that were a mix of grunge, black metal and goth. I remember telling her she should try fashion design instead of arts in university. She had a talent for sure... (after her phase of hawaiian shirts) :P

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Aresha G.K
16 years ago

it was her jc prom

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Anonymous
16 years ago

gosh i still have photos of her in that dress from prom. She had pinned and tucked the cloth in most spectacular ways. We were astounded.

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Anonymous
16 years ago

Ah yes the infamous prom cloth. I remember when she turned up for one of her o level papers with one of her wigs on backwards without her shirt under her pinafore .. good times

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Nathan
16 years ago

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Nathan
16 years ago

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Nathan
16 years ago

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Nathan
16 years ago

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Nathan
16 years ago

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Nathan
16 years ago

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Nathan
16 years ago

User avatar
Nathan
16 years ago

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Nathan
16 years ago

She wrote it on Dec/29. She was in severe pain and holiday depression. reading it again.. still makes me cry. ******************************************************************************** ur fuckin cloud there is a castle on a fuckin cloud i like to go there in my sleep aint got no tears for me to weep thats when i drink just all about. there is a room that's full of joy, there are a pretty girl and boys, nobody shouts or talks too loud, not in my castle on a cloud. there is a lady all in white, holds me and sings a lullaby, she's nice to see and she's damn good to touch, she says "pocky, I love you very much." i want a place where i aint lost, i need a place where i wont cry, crying at all is not allowed, not in my castle on a cloud.

User avatar
Anonymous
16 years ago

Oh and the only idiot that will bring thai mango salad to a club just cos i had a craving for your mum's mango salad... :) you were a classic... you know.. this site is actually making me feel like i'm talking to you. i feel like im going mad. hahaha

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Nathan
16 years ago

I am sorry previous one is not posted properly. Here it is again. ******************************************************************************** Will and Testament. In the event of death, I, Chen Pochen @ Franz Pocky would like the following requests to be respected and carried out: - immediate cremation, or as soon as possible; - no funeral service or religious hoopla; - to be burnt along with my favourite stuff; - minimal mourning or whatsoever but rather, throw a party ; - to donate whatever organs possible, or if possible, donate by corpse for scientific study; - sell whatever items that can be sold to cover any unpaid debt; - no rubbish obituary and most certainly no religious passages. In the event of a severe accident resulting in the loss of bodily functions: - to have life support turned off immediately; - find some legal loophole or ship me to Europe to be euthanised. All this is requested by me as of May 2004.

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Anonymous
16 years ago

It is too late. I am not sure she think this way now but here is pocky's will she wrote in 2004. I found this in her old blog.

User avatar
Anonymous
16 years ago

People say 美人薄命. Talented people tend to die young It is so true for Pocky. Pocky just joined the genius who left us too early. I don't think I can say everything I want to say. I have too many and too intense memories with her. Some people say that we should celebrate her life instead of mourning her death. Can I? I have many memories I can't get from anybody else in the world. I can surely cherish those memories and celebrate the time she was with me. However, can I really celebrate her life? After I heard about her struggling in life between 2004 and 2006, after she told me the struggling in regret, desperate justification, and denial in tears, how can I celebrate her life. After I heard and found out why she doesn't believe in love, and the situation that the love pushes herself into, how can I ever celebrate her life. I surely cannot celebrate her multifaceted life especially after I observed, and desperately tried to share her recent struggling caused by her leg injury. I am not sure I am in the biggest grief or fieriest anger in my life. Even with all the struggling in her life, she was about turning her life around. Her physical pain made her depression worse. However, the fact is she was trying to plan for her new life, something she can truly celebrate. She had many detailed plans after her surgery. I never have seen she was that sincere toward her own life in our short year long relationship. She was about to contact NUS to find out a way to get herself back. She was thinking about the new major in the university, and we talked about the best job for her superb talents in many things. She saw me in a very serious look when we talked about those things recently. It was just two weeks ago. I thought her physical pain and certain restriction on her side did mature her in many ways. She fought hard. She never gave up. Recently, she had to make a choice between two kinds of unbearable pain as the painkillers for her necrosis interact with her skin problem and gave even bigger pain on her skin. She called me and cried out on Jan/12, but she tried to regain her strength on the pain. I wanted to be a good shoulder she can lean on. However, I was not even a good ear for her when she called me on Jan/15th which was our last talk. I had to leave her for a week for my business strip. That kills me. So much exasperation and regret. I can't celebrate her life. I do want to believe that she is in a painless world now. However, she will be in a better situation in a month or so anyway as the surgery was about to be scheduled in Feb or Mar. Her long wait for the surgery was almost over. The life she can celebrate later was about to coming back to her. I once called her “A total package.” I found all the great things packed in her beautiful body. I am sure that I cannot meet anybody who is smarter, cleaver, wittier and prettier than her at the same time. Pocky and I talked a lot. I missed the time we talked each other for seven hours. No matter how long we talked, our conversation never became inane from her side, though I couldn't catch up her various interest couple of times. When I talk about something she is not familiar with, she wrote down that in her small notebook. In the next day, I could meet a beautiful girl who has even more knowledge in that topic than me. She was a very fast thinker that a slow person like me never can catch up with. I could only connect her leap of thoughts long after I she cast. Truly amazing girl. Pocky. I really loved your total package. You do know that right? Remember? Occam's razor and Lex Parsimoniae!! You cannot explain all the things without accepting I love you. That is the simplest explanation for all the things between us. You, the Queen of Denial (yeah yeah, I do believe you are making love with Mark Anthony of the Rome now.) I will not complain for not getting your timely reply as I used to do. Just talk to me sometime whenever you feel like. Even it is once a year. I can wait. I will be patient. Yeah I know I wasn't, but now I can be. I promise. Pocky.. Please do talk to me in whatever form possible to you. You always say that you can talk to me whenever you want but I can’t talk to you whenever I want. So you can find a way to talk to me even now right? You know that I can’t annoy you with flood of SMS anymore. So please.. please find a way. I do have some crazy topic I want to talk with you.. You will be very surprised. I was even reading Kafka on the flight back to Singapore. Ah.. Pocky...Please..At least let me apologize for not having a bigger heart when we met last time. Pocky….

User avatar
Anonymous
16 years ago

i havent seen you in the longest time. i heard you were dressed in style. i heard many people were there. what happened? i'm sorry i couldnt make it, i was in beijing. though we've never been really close, somehow a part of me insists that you are still out there, in your home-made-full-of-safety-pins-&-chains-bondage-style clothes, for me to bump into outside zouk someday in the future. and when i do return to sg, someone will tell me theý just saw you & tell me all about the encounter they had with you. i remember siew mai, you were a fan like me. i remember acting cool, you didnt quite like to smile. i remember intelligence, you had good grades. i remember a pillar of strength, you were there for your friends. i remember wise words, you did well as aunt agony. i remember english, you were fantastic in literature. i remember attitude, you didnt give a shit to those you deemed as idiots. i remember the comb, you loved to comb your then short hair. you're funny in your acting cool quirky bizzare way, you know. i hope you're in a happier place.

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Anonymous
16 years ago

for e friendship we shared 8 yrs ago, e phone conversations we had, e letters & notes we passed ard in class. & later on, e few times we met by chance.. i still rem how u looked e last time i saw u. u will nt be forgotten, pocky.

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-Ni-
16 years ago

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-Ni-
16 years ago

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Aresha G.K
16 years ago

aww look at that skinny taugeh monkey :P

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Anonymous
16 years ago

I dont know where to start. She was so special to me. Pocky held the most intense affections and desires for the better part of 2 years before vanishing for a protracted period of time. She waltzed back into my life just a few months prior, and now I have to say goodbye forever... This was the same girl that showed up alone to support me at the Divine9 show at Gashaus during its embryonic stage... and she came for all three shows of the tour. This is the girl that ripped my shirt off in Zouk on christmas eve and kissed me so hard I hit the wall of the console. This is the girl that cried out my name in the sea of a crowd at Ministry of Sound as I came on stage when even my legit girlfriend was nowhere in sight. The lines were blurry relationship-wise with her. Things were never simple. I always wanted to meet her parents. But not the way I did. My mind always drifts back to moments in 2006: "we're not in love, okay?" and then she'll grab my collar and drag me into a kiss.

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Aresha G.K
16 years ago

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Aresha G.K
16 years ago

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Anonymous
16 years ago

Hi.My name is Aresha and I am from St.louis Mo U.S.A I was just seaching the web to see if anyone had my name because I don't know anyone that had my name.And I just happen to come across your web page and I am sorry that you lost your friend she was a very young girl I send my condolences to send a e-mail it is aresha_at_work@yahoo.com

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Anonymous
16 years ago

text to 314-456-2875

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Anonymous
16 years ago

That was not my text

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Aresha G.K
16 years ago

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-Ni-
16 years ago

Oh... wasn't that me leaning on her and Paul? =)

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Paul
16 years ago

yea... that is... and she was so pissed after that..

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Aresha G.K
16 years ago

lol good times

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Aresha G.K
16 years ago

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Aresha G.K
16 years ago

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Aresha G.K
16 years ago

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Aresha G.K
16 years ago

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Aresha G.K
16 years ago

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Aresha G.K
16 years ago

User avatar
Aresha G.K
16 years ago

User avatar
Aresha G.K
16 years ago

User avatar
Aresha G.K
16 years ago

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