Think about you all the time

Think about you all the time

Think about you all the time

Think about you all the time

Just went through old emails. Never easy. Last one from Mike was on 02/26/10. Miss them so much.

Wow, 4 years later.... still does not seem real. Still feels like that time of year to start thinking about when you will be home for the summer. When will you be back? Will you stay home for good this year? Maybe you are really "home" now. But that can't stop us from missing you all terribly. Even though there are bits of peace and hope, it still hurts. I guess it will always be that way..... LOVE

They say time heals all wounds but in this case its simply not true. I miss them dearly and still have that ache in my heart and lump in my throat. I was never religious until now and I pray everyday to see them again. I know they are happy wherever thy are. My thoughts are with the Casey family and Schuessler family always.

They say time heals all wounds but in this case its simply not true. I miss them dearly and still have that ache in my heart and lump in my throat. I was never religious until now and I pray everyday to see them again. I know they are happy wherever thy are. My thoughts are with the Casey family and Schuessler family always.

Thinking of you, Jill and Mike, and thinking of your beautiful family. Aye me, sad hours seem long...much love sent to you now and forever

I was reading my mom's notes recently on how to prepare her full Thanksgiving dinner. She took the time to write it out in great detail , step by step because this was our first ever Thanksgiving away from home. Mom wrote that you need to, "boil the liver, heart etc for the gravy.." but that once this was done we could "carefully cut these up and feed them to Stella. She would really enjoy them." My heart literally skipped a beat reading this and then the memories of Stella and Jill, Stella and Mike came flooding in. Mike trying to pretend she was a seeing eye dog at The Mirage in Vegas (they got as far as the elevator) and instead Jill took her to Red Rock Canyon to camp for the weekend. The wonderfully prepared meals of hamburg and scrambled eggs Jill made for her was always impressive. The memories of walking up Cache Creek's Putt Putt trail with Jill and Stella returns to me so vividly every time I'm there. And til this day Stella rests up on Teton Pass where both Jill and Mike buried her under, per Jill, Stella's favorite tree. I wish I could remember where that tree was. I'd like to have a visit with them from there. I wish we could reminisce these memories together. I wish I could get one more loud belly laugh from Jill with head thrown back and her exclaiming, "Mare!" I wish it wouldn't have been so many years gone by that we didn't see eachother. I will forever wish peace for their friends and family. Maire

This Thanksgiving holiday I am thankful for the impact that the Casey had in my life and will continue to have. Thinking of all of their family and friends.

Some time has passed since I've visited here, but I'm really happy to see the beautiful posts continuing as I expected they would. Time for introspection is hard to come by these days but I'm regularly brought back to thoughts of my friends through mundane tasks, tender moments with the kids, etc. But more often than anything by music. It's the music that provides the hard-wired direct connection and unfettered access to the love and lament for my friends. It's the music that brings tears quickly - no longer for the raw pain but for having been amongst great beauty and no longer being able to access it. It was China Doll off of 'Reckoning' that surged on me the other day, thinking of the 'sweet pain' and moments of great seriousness that Mike had - moments that only a person of great sincerity could carry with them. Or tonight, listening randomly to Here Come De Honeyman off of Joe Henderson's Porgy and Bess that reminded me of seeing that long-ago concert with Gretchen, Jill, Montagano, and myself in Boston. Another in a zillion examples of Jill's effortless ease and friendship that made one realize about themselves (without angst) that their own pretensions are silly and that the importance of the moment, of being together and sharing those moments, was the point of it all. Melancholy as these moments can be, I feel so lucky to get such sweet reminders of them both.

Playing at Channing Rd., tag at the Lighthouse, Wharf Dances, School Dances, Sleepovers, Making up dance routines, Talent Shows, Playing Nintendo, hot tub, Harbor Days, Basketball, Soccer, Swimming, Skiing, playing wall ball at Old Hammondtown, gossiping about boys! Playing dress up...its these innocent memories of our youth that I cherish the most about Jill....love you always

thinking of you daily. and your families who miss you. there must be a reason for your passing beyond. my brother died an accidental death in the hospital one year ago. my heart reaches out to those I miss, including Mike and Jill, their children, and my brother Jeff.

Happy 3rd birthday to my dear, sweet Brycie! I think of you always and wonder who you'd be, what would your favorite toys be, would you be passive or wild like Makayla, would you be independent or a snuggler? But most of all, I just want to hold you, and rub the top of your hair with my lips savoring the soft shinny feel of your hair, feel your fingers wrapped around mine, and hear your voice that hadn't yet uttered a real word. I imagine it all, and am so saddened. All I know is that some day I will again. For now, I know that you are with your Mom and Dad and Makayla and all the others who love you in heaven. Look for your 3 blue baloons today and make a wonderful wish when you blow out your candles. I love you. Nana xxoxx

Dear Jill, Will this pain ever subside? I miss you and dream of you several times a week. I have asked you for signs of what is on the other side and you have given them to me but it still hurts so much. My heart aches for your sisters and mother. I love you forever and you will always be like a sister to me. I heard JJ on the radio and thought of you and all our silly times. Til we meet again....

Were and how did they pass away?

I walked through the toy aisle in Target the other day wondering what I would have bought you for your birthday. Somehow I couldn't imagine you wanting a barbie doll or a plastic pretty pony, but rather stones, an empty coconut shell blades of grass and grains of sand. But you're five now, and maybe that's changed. Perhaps you'd be here now, influenced by the decadence of American life. Would you still chase butterflies and chickens? Would you still run naked down the beach? Would you still dance and sing freely with reckless abandon? I know you would! I know you do! We continue to miss you each and every day, wondering... We miss your giggles, your smile, your sweetness, your life. Happy, happy birthday, dear sweet Makayla. Love, Nana

Happy Birthday sweet, beautiful Jillian. I carried you around with me all day - like a poem. Almost every hour, returning to the music of my memories, indulging in laughs, in sobs, in my face crinkling up at the flood of thoughts of the past and in the sadness of now. My baby reminds me of you - it's the strangest thing but he does. There is something about his calm presence, his ease and his sweet little eyes that completely make me feel that you are not too far away. I love that Jessie wrote minutes ago - she and I talked for exactly 15 minutes yesterday. We do that now. It's all so very sad. There is absolutely no changing that. It's powerful now that so many of us are so very connected in the loss of you. I find so much comfort in just that - knowing that we are all needing to write, needing to reach out, needing desperately to miss you, think about you, muse about you - carry you around with us during our days. So, for your birthday, I will tell you something very true and very important. You taught me so very much about the tremendous tenderness of friendship. Thank you and I wish so much that we had more time. I hope you visit me in my dreams, too! Love you, Ellen

This morning I woke up and realized I had been dreaming of Jill through the night........ I could still hear Matt downstairs, so I went down to tell him about my dreams and kiss him goodbye. Then I went back up to my bed, where my children slept peacefully. I crawled into the bed, in whatever room they had left me and stared out the window. The shade was open just slightly, through which I could see the dark of night just beginning to turn to a soft glow of day... my eyes got a little unfocused and then I was asking myself, "What am I looking at?" I couldn't make it out for a few seconds, it was just movement, shadows outside the window... then I realized, in the 6 inches of space where my shade wasn't pulled all the way down, a bird was hovering there, facing me... It's wings were flapping so fast, but the bird stayed in one place, suspended, like a hummingbird, but it was too big to be a hummingbird. Within seconds of me recognizing its shape, it flew away. And all day long, my mind has been running through images of Jill, from my dreams, and those of the bird who came to visit me in that small, vulnerable, penetrable space between night and day, sleep and wake, dreams and memories..... and I smile.... because I knew her, even if she's flown away now.

Jilly, today was your day to turn 35...I miss you more than words can say. I find comfort in the fact that it turns out your mum is an AMAZING nana...I thought my mom was good, but she is too much of a Schuessler! Mands & Ben make beautiful babies (pretty good parents too ~ She only forgot Sabella once when I was with them)...and Mel & Steve will be next !!! All this doesn't seem real or even fair: a world without you, Mike, Makayla & Bryce in it... the irony of it all is that I cannot tell you any of this, the little things we would share...I'm left with only my memories...what I wouldn't give to just see you one more time. I love you tons, and miss you even more...Happy B-Day Jillian! xoxo ~ Chrissy

Thinking of you today Jill, as well as your family here on earth.... each year the holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays roll by in your absence and we all struggle for ways to celebrate and honor these special days in your absence. Linda, I cannot imagine what you, Amanda, and Melissa do on a day like today... and my heart goes out to you! I often think of where you, Mike, and the kids would be today if your lives had been spared. I like to think that our kids would have played together many times by now and that we'd have enjoyed many wonderful chats while sitting on a beautiful beach somewhere, a porch swing, or at least over the phone. I wish I could share with you the excitement I feel around this pregnancy and the upcoming birth that is just a matter of weeks away. I know you will be holding my hand and loving me through it all, a true friend and spirit guide. I hope you are celebrating this special day in true heavenly fashion. Loving and missing you each and every day! Monica

This is a special day but not a different day. I miss you every minute of every day. I miss your smile, your laugh, your radiance. I miss your phone calls, your letters, and your pictures. I miss sharing a memory with you, a cup of coffee, a story about Makayla and Brycie. I miss your thoughtfulness, your kindness, your goodness.The world lost an angel. I lost my heart. Love, Mum

Jill, Mike, Makayla & Bryce: today is a day that is not easy for any of us that love you. It never will be. But it is still Your day. Every year on this day we will remember you, how you touched us, inspired us and made us better for knowing & loving you. Thanks to your mom, Jill, alot of people were able to be together in your memories. It is always better to be with other people who feel the same way. (thank you mrs S). I miss you now more than ever! I can't believe you cannot know my little girl it breaks my heart. I know you also appreciate the somewhat un-traditional cemetery gatherings, only for you guys! So today, as hard as it is, is still a good day because it will always be about you. Love Always, Alex

On this, the 2nd anniversary of that horrible day, we celebrate you Jillian, Mike, Makayla and Bryce. We miss you still-your smiles, your laughs, your goodness and your love. We will never adjust to a world without you in it. The sun will never shine as brightly, the birds will never sing as sweetly, and laughter will never sound the same. Memories are all that we have left, and today your loving family and friends will share them together as we remember you. Love, Mum

Jillian, today marks the second anniversery of the tragedy that took you and your family away from us. .Although this site ends today, my memory of you ,Mike, Makayla and Bryce will live on in my heart, thoughts,and prayers forever. When I call your mother on her cell I hear your voice. Sometimes I have to hang up because it just hurts to hear your voice and know that you are no longer with us. Other times I just smile because it brings me comfort in my memories of you. Your vocies will never be silent and live on within each and everyone one of us that you and your family have touched. Love, Marie

God bless the casey family and all of their loved ones who still grieve. Tomorrow we will all celebrate the lives of this beautiful and inspiring family and cherish the memories we all hold so dear.

Jill, I really miss you. I still think how excited I was for you to see my sweet little cabin I finally got here in JH. I just knew you were going to love it! It's down the street from the Aspen House, the one we used to walk by and wished we could live in something just like that one day! I trust you can see it from heaven now and you can feel all the love for you and your family coming from down here. Your BFF, Maire

Thank you dear, sweet Owen for remembering. You and Makayla would have been such good friends, just like your Mom and Dad were. Yesterday was Jill and Mike's 6th wedding anniversary. What fond memories we all have of that day, and oh how happy they were. That is the image I carry in my heart today and always. love, Grandmom by the ocean

My son had a new girl join his class recently, her name is makayla. After school yesterday he said to me, mom I miss the Makayla with "hair the same color as me." I was so happy that he remembered her. And so happy that we were able to spend so much time with her during her precious short life. But so so sad at the same time. So of course I began to cry. My 5 year old very sensitive son's response was "don't cry mom, it will be warm soon and we can go play with her at her grandmom's house that is near the ocean. We will get ice creams.". We have had the "heaven" conversation, but i let this opportunity pass because I REALLY wish it was possible and I LOVED that he had the memories.

Thinking about you guys a lot lately. Whenever I do I come by here and read others memories and think of new ones of my own,wishing we could have made more. Sending hugs to heaven. Xoxo

Another year has come and I continue to miss you even more. Another Christmas without you, thoughts of your beautiful New Year's Eve engagement party at the Inn in Saratoga, watching Payson and Sabella grow without their cousins, dreaming of what you would be doing and where you might be, the approach of the anniversary of that horrific day all send me reeling. I think of you constantly like a slideshow in constant motion. Some regrets that I didn't do enough, spend enough time, laugh enough, say all that I wanted to say and other blessed memories that make me feel like my life had been completed on the day you died. Jillian, Mike, Makayla and Bryce, you will live forever in my broken heart. Love, Mum/Nana

My heart goes out to all of the friends and family of this beloved and incredibly missed family that touched the lives of so many.

How beautiful Makayla it would be for you to hold your new little cousin. You and Rylie would be the best big cousins - doing nails and hair. What great "girl fun" you would have. Love, Aunt Ree

I thank you for that memory. How vivid those nights of past seem. I just wanted you to know that I sleep with the ratty remains of that very special blanket of Jill's every night.

Dear Bryce, We never got to share a real birthday with you, but we continue to celebrate you every day of our lives. Who you were and who you would have become leaves us all heartbroken. Did you see the baloons Payson and I sent to you? I know your birthday in heaven was perfect just like you!

I can't tell you how much we wish all of you were here with us on this special day. I know your spirit will be with us and your love will surround us. Love, Mum

Last night I dreamt about getting ready for a wharf dance with Jill. The wharf dances were such a huge deal in like 6th and 7th grade. We would spend the day sometimes preparing to go...too funny...because half the time we were too nervous to actually dance with anyone! So we would just laugh at ourselves all night. All us girls would dance in a big circle and just have such a blast! Those were such great memories. Then we would go back to Jills and sleepover and giggle about the nights events. I remember it vividly she would be twirling the remains of that blanket she cherished so much and there was this one decorative pillow on her bed that I would curl up with and we would laugh ourselves to sleep. Those are the moments I hold onto when I think about Jill.

Mike, you were the best father ever, caring, loving, patient and devoted. You wanted to show your children the world, and you did for a short while. You wanted to teach your children how to be wonderful human beings and to appreciate nature, and you did for a short while. I know you are continuing that process in heaven, but damn, I wish we could all be witness to it. I loved you like a son, and continue to think of you always. Love, Linda

Jill, Mike, Makayla and Bryce - It breaks my heart when we go by the sign for South Village Beach to think again that you won't be there this summer. Jill, the last time you stood on our patio you were about to give birth to Bryce. I can still see you with the family when Uncle Bob came up from FL. We all enjoy remembering the happy times but still wish everyday that you could be with us. We send our love to you in heaven - please pray for us. Love, Aunt Ree

Today we celebrated your birthday here on earth. I am sure you were partying in heaven. We had all your uncles Chris,Dannyand Shawn also Aunt Kelly and your cousins Casey'Quinnand Eryn. We all had dinner on the deck. Danny made you a birthday cake with pink poka dots. We all sang your favorite song Happy Birthday. After dessert, we all signed birthday balloons and let them go up to heaven to you > Did you get them yet? We love you and miss you but you are in our hearts ever minute of every hour. Tellmom and dad we send our love,and give Bryce a big kiss. All our love Grandma and Pop Happy Birthday Taz

Jill, On this day, Makayla's 4th birthday I am remembering the first conversation we had over the phone after you gave birth to your sweet baby girl. I hung on to every detail about her birth and how it played out; then I told you that I had just discovered I was pregnant. From that day on our conversations shifted and took a new turn, always talking about our babies and our experiences as mothers. I miss those talks more than words can say! I hope that today is a beautiful celebration in heaven for Makayla, complete with singing, dancing, and all of Makayla's favorite things. Happy Birthday sweet angel girl! Love to you all! Monica

Happy Birthday, dear, sweet Makayla. Those wonderful pictures of you on your second birthday in Belize flood my mind. All dressed up, surrounded by all your friends and loving family, covered with chocolate and cake frosting, asleep in your mother's arms at the end of the festivities. Such happy times! I only hope that you are likewise celebrating this, your 4th birthday, with all your heavenly family-Mum and Dad, Brycie, Great Nana and Grampy Presbrey, Great Gramma Elizabeth, Scotty, and all your new friends. We are all sending you our love. Zoia, thank you for your beautiful tribute to Makayla and Siboney. They were truly a pair!. All my love, Nana

Dear Jill, Today my sister is graduating from the University of Massachusetts at Amherst with a Bachelor of Arts in Women Studies. I am so so SO proud of her! You would have been a person to call this day to share how happy I am for her. My sister...Lately, we have bonded so deeply. We are having great conversations and still we share our dreams. I believe I spoke to you about her one time... That time we spoke about "sisters"...About how special is a sister relationship... while we admired our daughters, Makayla and Siboney, as they held hands, dressed up and pretended to be getting married... :o) We spoke while we admired their sister relationship. I will never forget, just a weekend before you left us, when Makayla came over on her own to visit Siboney, while you were spending time with your sister Amanda, Payson and Bryce...hanging out under the Almond Trees. Makayla came up but Siboney was asleep. Alec and I wanted to let her rest so we just hanged out with Makayla, who spoke about Nana, about her grandmothers. She was just starting to speak so well! She started to cut in halves the "Melissa & Doug" wooden fruits with the wooden knife...We tried our best to entertain her, but she really wanted to be with Siboney, her sister friend... I miss you, beautiful family. You are always in my heart. I learned so much with you, Jill. With sisterly love, Zoia

You are the sweetest vision of a mother...we miss you and love you...Bill, Monica and Willie

Jillian, You were the best Mom ever! Patient, caring, fun, instructive, and above all, loving. All the traits that made you a wonderful friend, teacher, wife, sister and daughter. Makayla and Brycie are so very lucky to have you. We all miss your presence in our lives so very much. Love, Mum

Jill, I hope you have a special day today, I am sure Makayla, Mike and Bryce celebrating with you today. There is so much going on that I wish I could share with you, it is not the same without you. I know you are always with me though. LOVE Alex

Dear Jill, I am thinking of you and the fam on your birthday - once day - I will get onto this site and not start crying. That said -I AM celebrating your life and the time we had today - yet I miss you so much it - well - it hurts. BUT - the good news for you is, you don't have to worry about getting wrinkles!!! I love you and miss you and think of you every day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY - love meg/

I haven't physically shared your birthday with you since you moved to Gallon Jug, but you were always in my heart on the 29th of March, as you are today. All the images of past birthdays come flooding in - childhood birthdays with Jason, Neil, Sarah, and the neighborhood kids, your shared 16th with AnnMarie at the Regency, and the best surprise 21st in Burlington with your St. Mike's friends. You deserve so many more, and I will continue to celebrate all of them. Happy 34th birthday, dear Jillian Bliss! Love, Mum