Lukey - Can you believe the Steelers won the Super Bowl? That game was amazing! I wish you were here to watch it with me. I know you were here in a new way though. During that second half I kept cheering the way that made you smile. Luckily, there were lots of reasons to say "YES!!!". Do you remember that. I would say "YES!!!" fast and pump my fist. You loved that. All during the game I kept looking up at your picture and winking at you. I'm glad that picture is there. For some reason it makes me feel like you are keeping an eye on us. Thanks bud. Well, Pitt won again today. Monday night is our next game against WVU! It should be a good one. I really miss you buddy. I can't say that enough. You are amazing and always will be. I am very proud to be your Dad. Zoe mentioned the Child Life presentation. It was very special and a lot of money was raised in you memory. A lot of people remember you every day bud. You are a very important "Little Man". The Luke Hadley Foundation is almost up and running. I'll let you know how that goes as we move forward. I guess I'll get up to bed now. I'll be up there to say our prayers soon. I love you sooooooooooooooo much! Good Night Champ! Daddy Loves You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I went to a show the other night that was for a little girl who was also at Children's Hospital and that is also in Heaven with you. The show was raising money for Children's and they called it "Izzie's Playground Party." She had always wanted a playground at the hospital because there was one at another hospital that she went to. They want to make a playground for kids right on the roof of the hospital! What do you think of that? I am sure that you had tons of fun with the Childlife crew. I think that it is a great idea but if kids are too sick, they may not be able to play on the playground equipment. Well good night Luke, Love Cassidy

Today in school, on the morning announcements they showed the video of the Child Life Fund receive the check that had all the money that DMS raised. It was quite a lot of money!!! I bet your friends there will really like what they will do with the money!! The whole time I saw the video I thought of you, your smile, your parents, and your life with us. I realized that in fact, besides all the suffering I wish had never happened to you, that your life wasn't all that bad. You had your amazingly fabulous family and you smiled. And that smile of yours is something so amazing that I think it was none other than the smile of an angel. Zoe

Hi Lukey It is half time during the Super Bowl and the Steelers lead 16-7. Not bad! I know Daddy wished you were here with him to watch the game. Me, I just keep nodding off. Typical Mommy. We had coffee with super fabulous Dr. Leslie today. I always feel so much better after seeing and talking to her. She helps make everything okay. Like she always did when you were here! The thought of another week at work is haunting me..... it is hard for me to be there sometimes. As much as it it distracts me, it can also be very frustrating. Sometimes people say the most stupid things. Also, I wish these parents realized just how lucky they are to have their happy, healthy children. I wish they could appreciate what God and life have given them and celebrate each day. Unfortunately though, for many, that just isn't enough. Intelligence and good health and physical talent leave many of them thinking that there is even more out there to be had, and that it is each of their individual children that deserve it. They even battle each other, wanting their child to be the MOST intelligent and talented. Its really quite sad. They don't know how blessed and lucky they are. I know how lucky I was to have you, Luke. You taught me more than most will ever learn in a lifetime. And you did it is a very short time. Thank you. I love you Tiny! love Mommy

Hi Buddy! I have to tell you. I am having a tough time lately. I cry multiple times a day. There are so many things I wish I could share with you. There is so much I miss too. I miss your smile the most. You really amaze me buddy. You had the most amazing smile! When I look at pictures of you with that smile all I can think about is that you are the TRUE picture of happiness. Your smiles were so pure. In spite of all of the challenges you faced, you still smiled bigger than some ever smile in their lives. I loved that about you! You really are an inspiration to so many bud. I hope you realize how amazing that is and how amazing you are. I love you buddy! Okay, here is a little sports update. Our Panthers won a good one today over Notre Dame. That was awesome. And, tomorrow our Steelers play in the Super Bowl. How awesome is that. I think we brought the Panthers some luck today because I wore my t-shirt that has your picture on it. I don't care if I can't wash it, I think I might have to wear it tomorrow too for the Super Bowl. I feel like I have you close to me when I wear it. It would be so much better to hold you and tell you what is going on like I used to do. I miss that. Well, I better go. I love you and miss you buddy. I know you are here with Mommy and I though. We love you sooooooooo much!!!!!!!!! Good Night Champ! Daddy Loves You!

Hello Little Buddy, I cannot believe that tomorrow (Friday) marks 3 months since you left us. Oh Lukey, I miss you so much! I've been having very vivid flashbacks of that day and night. I remember the look on your face and your last breaths. It was the hardest thing to watch you go, and I wanted so much to keep you here with us, but I couldn't. I look back at pictures from that day and see the sadness and suffering in your eyes, and the illness that had overtaken your little body. Like I always tell you, I am so grateful that is over now. There was nothing Daddy and I could do to help you anymore. I held a baby today Lukey. For the first time since the night you died. I held him (4 months old) against my chest and shoulder just like I held you. And it felt like I was holding you...my precious boy. Oh Luke, it broke my heart, and continues to do so. I would give my life to hold you again. To see you look up at me with those beautiful blue eyes. It is the most awful thing in the world to have seen your child in his casket, and then watch that casket get lowered into the ground. These are images I will never, ever forget. Lukey, I love you so much, and I thank you so much for the time you spent with us here. We are so blessed to have had the chance to know and love you. I miss you I love you, Mommy

Lukey! Guess what! The Steelers are going to the Super Bowl. I can't believe it either. Actually, I suppose I can. They are a pretty good team. They just had such a tough schedule that I thought it wold be tough to get there. But, they made it. The game will be next Sunday. I'll be sure you will know how it goes, but I'll be sure to tell you anyway. Also, our Pitt Panthers are still doing a great job. They aren't #1 anymore, but that is okay. We are #4 this week but had two really good wins this week over Syracuse and WVU. They look great. The only thing missing from all of this great sports stuff is you. I really miss holding you and telling you all about this stuff. I love you buddy and I miss you a lot! I suppose I should leave out the most historical thing that has happened in a very long time. This past Tuesday the first African American President of the US was sworn into office. That is really amazing. He has a tough job ahead of him. I'll pray that he can do a good job. I guess I'll get going. I think about you all the time buddy and I can't even explain how much I miss you! I love you buddy. See you in your room in a little while to say our prayers! Good night Champ! Daddy Loves You!

Hello Sweet Boy, I am so glad I put that special little album of your pics together. I look at it everyday and it brings big smiles to my face. Grammy Cracker and I are going to visit your old self tomorrow. I have a little something to give you. It is so strange. I have said this before- I know YOU are not there, just your old self. But do you go there to visit your old self? To look at the big beautiful stone? I feel a little odd leaving you gifts there, but where else would I leave them? I know you will get them there. That is your old self's final resting place. Your new self is too busy having fun and helping people and making miracles happen to do any resting! Oh Lukey, when I think about all of the amazing things you do and how you help people, my heart skips a beat. I am SO PROUD to be your mommy. You are amazing. Daddy saw Dr. Zitelli today. He was a good doctor. Hopefully he will take daddy, Dr. Leslie and I on a tour of the new CHP soon. We have a lot of toys to deliver! Mommy's good friend Karen is getting a special book case made by hand (by her father) to put in Dr. Leslie's waiting room. We are going to fill it up with books that we are collecting and put a special little plaque on it - in memory of YOU! How cool is that? And everyone will always think of you. Youre famous buddy. :-) You know Daddy and I have been a little stressed about some thing(s) lately. There is a lot going on. But I know that you are right there with us every single day and will continue to be. I know that you are my special little angel who has given me the greatest gifts in the world. And for that, I thank you. Love you baby, Mommy xoxo

Hey Lukey, I was thinking of you the other night when I was driving home from work. I was listening to an old CD of mine that has a song on it that has a line in it that says, "in the arms of the angels, may you find some comfort here." I honestly don't know what the song is really about completely, but it was very popular when my mom had cancer about 10 years ago. Every time I heard that song then it made me cry. I wished and prayed for my mom not to suffer, that the angels would bring her comfort, but that she would still be here. I am very fortunate that she is still with me. That song still makes me think of that time and makes me cry. This time though, it made me think of you too, and how you are now with the angels. I am thankful that you now have comfort, but I miss you bunches little guy. I have to tell you too, Lukey, knowing that you're in heaven waiting to greet us makes me less afraid of whenever my time may come (not that I feel it will be soon or anything). It just comforts me a bit to know that you will be there to greet me some day (along with my grandpas and one grandma). Love you always Lukey. I miss you so much. Mary Ann

Hi buddy! I know that you know that I LOVE to write stories. I have started a new one. It is about a little prince. A prince that is sick but strong and that has a loving mother and smart father. Guess what it is about? I knew that you were smart!! I think that I might show it to your mommy when it is finished. Please give me a little bit of inspiration... I already know that your mommy could see your wings even when you lay in her lap.

Across the world, A bumblebee flies. Flying over cities and towns, And over the secrets of the world. Through the freezing winds, And the heat of the desert. It is searching, For something it thought was lost. Yet it comes to an ordinary house, And looks through the window. It gazes upon where love first began, And where it will be forever more.

Hi Buddy I just finished putting my favorite photos of you into an album that I can carry with me. Every photo of you is a favorite, but some are just extra special. I miss you so much. Looking back at memories is very hard to do, but you always make me smile. I love you baby and I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. Love Mommy

Hi Lukey! I've been thinking of you and wondering what you think looking down at all the cold and snow we have. Does it snow in heaven? My guess is that it does so that you and all the other baby angels can play in it - I hope you've been making snowmen and catching flakes on your tongue!

Today I was thinking about you, when I turned my head and saw my calendar. It had a picture of a giraffe, and suddenly one of it's spots stood out to me. It was in the shape of a heart. Later I looked at it again, and the spaces between the giraffe's spots looked a bit like the initials LH. I love you Luke, and I always will. Zoe

Little Lukey, how are you doing up there? Daddy and I are away this weekend. I was very nervous about leaving b/c I felt like I was leaving you behind, but now that I am here, I know you are here with me. I like having you with me, everywhere I go. What do you think of the place here? Cozy. I feel like I have SO much to say to you right now, but wouldnt know where to begin. I'll chat with you more tonight before bed. Thanks for visiting me in my dreams the other night- that made me very happy. Lukey, you will always be my #1. I love you buddy.

Hey Luke! I was listening to a song the other day and I felt that it was about you in Heaven. It was called "I Miss You" by Miley Cyrus. I listened to it and I thought it was definitely about you. Now every time I hear that song I am thinking about you.

The bad guy fights, But you fight back, He pushes, But you push harder, He wants to take over, But you won't let him, He almost gets you, But You hold on, God calls you up into Heaven, You com up with Him to happiness, Your pain is gone, The bad guy has vanished, And the only thing in your body is love

To be missed is to be loved To be loved is to be nutured To be nutured is to be cared for To be cared for is to be missed When you are far away It's true Luke. It is so cold down here. My cheeks become frozen when I think about the fact that I will never... ever see you again... until I am in heaven. Not everything is bad though. You may not be able to be seen, but there ARE times when I look into the air and see something glittering and silver. I know that you never truly leave us, I suppose that it was just time that you left your body. The feeling comes when I have had a bad day (for reasons that I'm sure you know) the feeling that you are truly gone, but I must think that you are happy. Because you are. I forgot to wear my bell today. I was devastated, worried that I might have lost it or something. It was fine, but it really scared me. I always want to know that you won't be forgotten. Today, a friend of mine was looking at the notebook that your mom gave me. I have a picture of you next to my poem about you. She kept saying that you were so cute and that she saw your picture somewhere at her doctor's office or something. I felt special telling her about you... the time we met... when I looked into your beautiful eyes. It is a memory that I will always cherish. *Jessica

Hi Tiny You have been getting a lot of nice messages, huh? They make me smile so big! And I hope they make you smile too. I need to ask you a special favor, since you are so very good at helping people and looking out for others, I need you to look over Baroness right now. She has been having a really bad time since Sunday and I (as well as Grammy and Pap) am worried about her. Visit her with Bessie and tell her to hang on and get better- it isn't her time. I miss you. Of course, what else is new? There sure is a lot of cold weather here, buddy. I cant ever seem to get warm. You used to keep me so warm when I held you close. Last night I went through all the cards and letters we got when you left us. People wrote so many beautiful messages. Some were hard to read, but they reminded me again what a big difference your life made for so many people. We got a really nice little note from the Ajak family today. They did such a great job and I know they really handled your old self with great care and love. I remember the day Daddy and I had to go to meet Mr. Ajak over the summer and do some pre-planning for your funeral. I hated that I had to leave you with the nurse on a day I was off work, and it seemed to weird and surreal to sit there with him and talk about your impending death. I thought we had a good bit of time left with you, but I was wrong. Things fell apart so quickly. You made such progress over the summer, and then everything changed so suddenly. I am very happy and grateful though, that you had the chance to play a little bit and have fun. Your birthday was a big celebration and I am so glad we did that for you. You deserved that and so much more. I love you buddy, and am always thinking of you! xoxo Mommy

Hi Lukey! I wanted to say thank you for keeping my bracelet safe and bringing it back to me. This is a very special bracelet that brings me strength and courage. It was a gift that was made with love and I was beside myself when I thought that it was gone. This is how I knew that you were the reason that it came back to me. =) I think about you all the time and I even have a picture of your smiling face on my desk. I hope that you are enjoying HEAVEN and that you know how much you are missed! Please keep a watchful eye on Isabella for Brian and I...we are so far way from her and it is difficult. Love, Kristen (Sondra Milan's daughter =)

Hi Lukey, I have really enjoyed reading the wonderful messages that people have written to you here. I wanted to share something with you. One of my closest friends just had a baby, and she named him Luke. I told her she picked the perfect name, because the little Luke that I knew was such a strong, smiling boy who brought such joy to everyone who ever knew him or even knew of him. That little Luke was you! I hope you are having a wonderful time with your friends in Heaven. I think of you often! Love Sarah

Luke, How's my boyfriend? I miss you and your wonderful smile. Remember the great birthday party your mom and dad had for you last summer. They really love you!! Visit them often. Make them ride the chair lift this weekend so they are a little closer to you in heaven. Good night, Luke. love, Peg

Zoe is completely right. I think of you all the time. When I have had a bad day and when I've been with your mom. When I open my locker and see your picture with hers, and my poem. It seems that the most important things go in my locker, like a hall of fame. Though school is NOT my favorite, my hall of fame gets me through the day. That's you buddy. Jessica

Lukey, I think of you everyday. But I think of you even more when I have a day that's not so great because I'm sure you've had those days, but you always smiled like you were the happiest boy in the world. And even in the morning at school when I'm tired and want to sleep I can open up my locker and there you are, smiling at me. Actually this morning one of my friends came down to my locker and the first thing she said was about how cute, and adorable you are, but I already knew that. Love, Zoe

Luke, I know I don't write often, but I think about you all the time. The other day I was thinking about how right around your birthday my friend, Iza, came over to my house. We were sitting in the yard when we saw a bumble bee. We weren't scared of it, and it wasn't scared of us. It let us hold it on a flower and make sure that it was okay because it was wobbling. It was amazing to be around it until it flew away. You remind me of that bee Luke. You let those who love you take care of you and then you left. But just like that bee, you will never leave my and others' hearts. You touched us all with joy by smiling. We all miss you so much Luke. Love, Elena

Hey Lukey, I just wanted to drop you a note. I know it's been a bit since I left you a note. I hope that you don't think that it's because I think of you any less. Literally a day doesn't go by that I don't think of you several times a day. Usually I think of you while I'm driving around between appointments (because I wish I could drive by and see you like old times) and also I think of and pray for you and your parents every night. I guess I'm not really praying exactly FOR you now, more just talking to God about you. I know that you are okay now, but I do pray for your mommy and daddy. I know how thinking of you makes an actual ache right where my heart is, and I know that feeling has to be magnified an unimaginable amount of times for your mom and dad. I truly feel lucky to have known you, Lukey. It's strange. Sometimes when I look at your pictures, or think of different times with you, I think that there was a wiseness in your eyes that was beyond your years. I've seen so many little ones over the years Lukey. I wish I could have read your thoughts. I liked to imagine sometimes I knew what you were thinking during our sessions, little things about your toys or your exercises. But, I wonder so often what many things were in your head that we didn't guess. I suppose one day you'll have a lot to tell us. As been said so many times by so many, you taught us all so much without ever having to say a word. I love you always Lukey, Mary Ann

Luke, Caring for people is different than knowing them. I may never have met you, but I care for you more than many would see possible. Lukey, just hearing about you everyday in your mom's room and off of Caring Bridge, I learned that you were amazing. I love you baby. I need to thank you for sending me all those little gifts, whether it was just a charm, or telling me that you were safe. That is most important. I need to know that you are happy. It has become a habit of mine to hold my bell and kiss it. Many would see it as strange, but it really isn't. I just know it. You have so many friends that want to keep you close. Your mommy. Your doctors. Zoe. Cassidy. Elena. Everyone. Everyone that has even heard about you. Forever throughout my life, there will be a ringing in my heart. The ringing of my bell and your voice in my heart. I have an amazing big bell over my bed; I think that you will know who its from : ) That way, I know that you are even with me in my sleep. I will always hear you, Love, Jessica

Hi there Lukey! I have exciting news about our teams buddy. Our Pitt Panther basketball team won today and will stay #1 for at least another week. We have two tough games this week, but then again, every game in the Big East will be tough. Also, our Steelers won their playoff game today and will play Baltimore next Sunday. If they win that one, we will go to the Super Bowl. Awesome! I thought about you while I watched both games. In my head I did our Steeler cheer - Here We Go Steelers, Here We Go! Of course, I used to say it in my fast and funny voice to make you smile. You also used to smile sometimes when I would say it in a really low voice. I wish you were here with me to watch these games. I miss you soooo much bud. I can't keep from crying every single day. That is okay though. I cry because of how much I miss you and love you. Those are okay reasons to cry. If you can, come visit me in my dreams or anywhere, anytime you want. I have moments when I all of a sudden catch myself talking to you. I hope those are moments you are visiting me. I want to think you are, but it is hard to tell. I know you will always be here though - just not the way I want you to be here. Well, I feel like I am rambling a bit. I will be in to say our prayers in a minute. I love you very much. Keep smiling buddy. Good Night Champ! Daddy Loves You!

This week I found a hairpin that this little bumblebee on it. I've worn it the whole week so far. But yesterday I don't know how but it fell off. Luckily, it was actually like a bead and I put it on a piece of string, and it's not big enough for a bracelet but I keep it close. Then while I was playing piano it fell in, but don't worry, I got it out. I'm trying to make a nice bracelet for the little bumblebee so I can always wear it. Love, Zoe

Well as you probably know, I visited with your mommy about a week ago at lunch. It seems like years ago now but I can't wait to see her again sometime soon. You really touched a lot of people. My mom asked me how you changed my life. At first I said you were strong. After that I thought of a bazillion of reasons on how you changed me. You changed everybody in a bazillion ways. Your mommy told me about how many toys and games they are giving to the hospital. I hope when the boys and girls play with them, they will be thinking of you. Even if they didn't know you, I hope a special place in there heart will thank you and your family. My brother is giving toys to Child Life for his community service project. I plan to help him and think of you every step of the way. Well good night Lukey, I hope you are watching over me tonight, Love Cassidy P.S. I put up a picture of a panda because your mommy says that they are your favorite!

Before I met you and your mom, I didn't believe much in angels. I spent my life without many loved ones leaving me. But your death caught me off guard. I loved you. I loved your mom. And I was forced to sit alone at home, thinking about you two. Then, you sent signs to me. Thank you. Luke, you opened my eyes. I see the true values in life. You have taught all who knew you precious lessons. This year is to be remembered because I learned from an angel. Jessica

Hello I just wanted to say what a beautiful boy Luke is, and how proud you must feel of him. I lost my three year old last nov to cerebral palsy, he too told us how he felt with his eyes and mannerisms. I'll keep Luke and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I just wanted to offer my support, cry when you feel like crying at the time it hurts so much and you feel like you'll never stop, the inconsolable grief does pass, but we never stop missing or loving them. I ask my son every day to visit me and I know he does, I feel him stroking my hair at night. God bless you x

ARGHH!!! Lukey. I almost lost our bell today. Luckily, Cassidy rescued it in a hallway of ignorant kids. My string broke. Everything was gone, but I saved the bee and Cassidy saved the bell. I have clenched them in my hands ever since. It was like I almost lost you. No, people aren't always the most polite when they come up to me and say, "Why do you wear that STUPID bell?" And you know what, it is different, but it helps me to know that you will always be with me. Won't you Luke? To me, you will always be my angel, little bumblebee, and the reason that you mommy and I talked for hours in her room.

Hi Luke, Just like Zoe and Jessica said, we sat in your mommy's room and looked at pictures of your sweet, little face and listened to stories about you. Those moments while looking at or hearing about how wonderful you were and are brought joy to my heart. Those were some of my favorite moments Fairview. I would look so forward for recess being over just to come and look at you for the whole afternoon. We did work, but never without looking at a picture of you. I remember when you came to school on Halloween and dressed as a lion. You were the cutest lion I've ever seen. Since that moment, whenever I go to the zoo and see the lions, I think of you. I wish I could have actually met you. I really, really do. You'll always be loved by those who've seen your wonderful smile, knowing that they are looking at an angel. My friends and I all love you Lukey, Elena

Like Jessica told you, your mommy told us so much about you. Once a week we'd be in her room for the entire afternoon. Sometimes she'd spend the whole time telling us about you and sometimes would get to go on her computer and look at all your pictures. I remember that two of my friends and I named all her stuffed animals, and there was this one pig with a little pig in its arms. We named the big pig Kara and the little one Luke because she loved you so much Luke, and she still does. I love you too. And so does anyone who every saw your cute, beautiful face.

Its another day and I am still missing you. Have you joined up with Bessie and greeted her into Heaven? Please take good care of her and pet her and love her everyday. I hope she does the same for you. Nurse Amy sent us a very special bumble bee tree ornament. Its a big stuffed bee! We will save a nice spot on the tree for her next year. Oh what I would give to have you back here, Lukey. I miss you so much, my heart just aches. It doesnt seem fair to me, but it didnt seem fair to me to have you here and watch you suffer everyday either. I think what would have been fair is if you had been been healthy and not had to endure any of it. Some of my students are doing very special projects to honor you Lukey! I am sure you know about them and you know the frustrations that are going along, b/c I have vented them to you! AGH! Why do people have to be s difficult when others just want to do good things?! Do you see a lot of that when you look down on us on Earth? Do you just want to fly into people's dreams and tell them to be better people? Can you? What does God have to say about it? I'd like to know his thoughts on why things are the way they are! I think I am very lucky to have such giving, compassionate students. Two of them sat with me at recess today and asked me questions about you while looking at your pictures. It felt so good to talk about you and know that people have an interest in you and your time spent here. I wish they could have met you. I love you Luke. Visit me, please. Love, Mommy

I really miss my buddy. There are too many things for me to try to tell you about that I miss. As you know, one of my favorite things to do was tell you updates from the world of sports. I loved sharing these things with you. I have a big one to share tonight. Our Pitt Panther Basketball Team is now ranked #1 in the country. How about that! They had a huge win over Georgetown this weekend and then NC lost. That meant we moved up to #1. Pretty cool. Do you remember how I would cheer Go P, Go I, Go P - I double T in that silly way that would make you laugh? I loved that. I still say it out loud sometimes hoping you will hear me and smile. Like Mommy said the other day in her message, your smile was so amazing. I'd do anything to make you smile. I hope you are smiling right now. I'm sure you are. I better go to bed soon. I'll be up to say our prayers. I love you so much buddy! Good Night Champ! Daddy Loves You!

Just as I told your mommy, I am so thankful for the stories that she used to tell me if her classroom. So much has changed since then. I would sit in her pink chair next to her desk and gaze at your pictures. Your mommy tell us about you. It came to a point where I felt like I'd met you before. When it did come to the point where I could, all I wanted to do was kiss you. Kiss you and talk to you, spill out everything about me. And now you know. Thank you for being my candle in the dark. I loved you from the moment I saw one of your pictures. xoxoxoxo Jessica

Hi Tiny, I miss you so much. You know, there are 100 memories here already! That is quite a lot. You were such an amazing little guy Luke. i was thinking today about how darn cute and amazing you really were. It blows my mind. The other day, one of my friends said to me, "You are so special. How does it feel to be the ones who were chosen to care for Luke?" Wow, I thought. It was an honor to be chosen, I know that. I had never been asked that question before, and I dont think Daddy and I are anything really special, but you sure were. We were truly so lucky and blessed to have been given the gift of your life. I look at your pictures and think about how unique and wonderful you were. You were so beautiful and so happy. Always happy. You always found something to be happy about in spite of your struggles. You taught so many people valuable lessons, including me. I wish I could give you a great big hug right now. I love you. Please know I am always here thinking of you and how special you are. Much Love, Mommy

Hi Luke, I visit your site often, but just never am sure of what to say. I miss you. I loved to visit and see your big smile! I have a picture of you smiling on my desk and I can't help but smile back when I see it. I hope you always have that big grin on your face in heaven! I like to think that the sun is shining on you everyday as you get to run and play and be free. You continue to amaze and inspire me and for that I am thankful. Love, Luann

Even in Heaven you are still such a good boy. Thank you so much for helping Daddy with the desk legs. You are a craftsman and carpenter like your grandpap. Good work, little buddy. I had some bad dreams last night Lukey. You were crying and I couldn't get to you. I sure hope you aren't crying in Heaven. There should be only smiles. Everywhere I turn there are babies and pregnant ladies Lukey. Literally all around. Maybe I just never noticed before, but it seems like a lot more. It is hard to look at them. It reminds me of you and I want you back so badly. I watch small kids and see them do things you never had the chance to do. I;m sorry for that. I hope you are doing whatever you want now. Well, I guess if you are fixing desks, you must be pretty good at many things! You know, I sit at the opposite end of the couch now. I look down to where I used to hold you and you would lay, and I hope I will see you there, but I never do. I love you buddy and I miss you so much. I know Grammy Cracker does, too. I think Bessie will be crossing that bridge and coming to see you very soon. She loved you the few times she got to see you. I bet she will run up to you and give you a great big lick! Her legs don't work anymore Lukey, and I know you can relate to that. So, enjoy running through the fields with her and pet her often for Mommy and Grammy. Love you bud- Love, Mommy

Hey little man! How are you? I'm sorry it's been awhile since I have writen to you. You know that doesn't mean that I don't think about you all the time! I hope you had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year up in heaven! I can't imagine the Christmas celebration that you must have been a part of there! I love to see your smiling face here on your website and to think of smiling that way forever. There are a lot of people down here who miss you very much buddy. I love to read people's posts here and see the ways that you are sending your love and happiness their way. I think about your mommy and daddy everyday too. I wish I were closer to them to stop by and give them both a big hug! Since I can't do that, will you try and do it for me in your own special way? I miss you Lukey, I'll be talking to you soon! Love, Amanda

Last night I had a strange dream. It wasn't neccasarily about you... but there was a bumblebee. I don't remember everything... just that I kept looking at a bee. I wasn't afraid and no one around me was screaming like usually. They just sat there with an intent look on their face, as if they were looking at something much wiser than they. And in the backround, bells rung. You are forever in my heart, xoxoxoxoxo Jessica

Hi Lukey I cannot believe it has been 2 months since you have left us. In many ways, it feels like a lot longer than that. I feel like it has been forever since I held you close. I miss you. This is New Year's Eve. I guess you knew that, though. It is the beginning of a new year. A year that I wish you were here to experience with us. I hope that people realize that the new year won't magically make anything better. You will still be gone. The pain will be the same. It will just be a different number when we write the date. I wish you all the best in Heaven in 2009. I wish I were there with you. Thinking of you now, and always. Love, Mommy

You visited me last night in my dreams. Oh, you were so cute. You laughed and talked and seemed to be very happy. I think about you every day. Love, Krisztina

Dear Luke, You are such a great guy. Your parents were so lucky to have you and you were so lucky to have them. You were one great happy family. And it breaks my heart to know that that isn't happening at this moment. Your parents are two of the sweetest, kindest, greatest people I know. I have only met your daddy a few times, but I from that I know he is the greatest daddy that you could ever of had. Your mommy is so special. She is my favorite teacher ever. She is funny smart, caring, and so kind. Your parents were so lucky to have you here on earth. God couldn't have put you with two of the righter people. I know that you are happy in Heaven, but I feel so sad that you are not down on earth. I never met you, but I know that if I would have, you would have been so awesome. When I come up to Heaven, I want to meet you. Good night, Love Cassidy

Oh Lukey, it has been two months. I feel a little bit strange. Everyone is saying how much that they miss you and all the things that the miss. I can't miss anything because... well... I never got to really meet you. What I miss is going to bed at night, laying my head on the pillow, and knowing that somewhere out there, you were alive. That is what I miss. Now I go to bed and think about the signs that you have sent me. Sometimes it worries me that I am in such connection with you. I barely knew you. Its not that I don't want to know that you are okay, I always tell your mommy that. But, please, make sure that she and your dad know it too. Thank you for the gift yesterday; I carry it on the stirng of my bell. I love you Lukey! Jessica P.S. I hope that your two months in heaven have been as good as you deserve!

Well Lukey, I now realize that I will always miss you and it will always hurt. It isn't going to get "better". How could it get better with you gone? Not a day will go by that I dont look at your picture and wish I could hold you tight. Not a day will go by that I dont think of you and your wonderful smile. Not a day will go by that I dont think of the impact you have made on so many lives. And not a day will go by that I don't worry you will be forgotten by others. I think about you all the time and talk about you as much as I can. My heart races and I get a sick feeling every time I think I will never see your bright eyes again. I cry when I say or hear your name. I worry that I wont recognize you when I see you in Heaven. People say that you will be completely healed with a new body and you won't look the same. Lukey, I want you to look the same. I want you to be able to see, eat, run, talk and play, but with your old self's body. It makes me so sad to think that you will be different. It upsets me terribly that your old self is underground in a cold, scary place. I think about you and wonder if you were here now, would you still be having seizures? I get mad at God and ask him why. Why did it have to be you? People tell me that He gave you to us b/c we could handle it. Well, Lukey, let Him know I am having a hell of a time handling the fact that you are gone. I think about the future. I don't know what to do with myself. Daddy has plans. I do not. What am I ever going to do with myself but miss you and wish you were here? What is my purpose in life? Do you have any insight, buddy? If you do, please fill me in so I feel like I have a reason to get up in the morning. I just feel so lost. I think about what it would be like to have another child. I dont think I could. None could compare to you and I could never love another like I love you. I feel like I would be cheating on you, in a way. Kind of weird, huh? I just want you back so I can take care of you. I think if there was another one, certain people just might look at it as if we have moved on. You can never be replaced Lukey, and I won't ever let anyone forget about you. You will always be my #1. My Tiny Wee. I miss you buddy. I hope that you can visit me soon and let me know you are doing okay. Otherwise, I may have a nervous breakdown, and I really dont want to spend the new year in a mental hospital. Love you buggy. xoxo Mommy

Hi Lukey. I hope you are doing well. I am pretty sad today. I can't stand not having you here. I miss your smile. I miss being silly to make you laugh. I miss hearing Mommy say, " Did you poop?" I miss putting you to bed each night. I miss telling the night nurse every detail of your day. I miss hearing your heartbeat on your pulsox all night. I miss saying our prayers together. I miss you!!!!! I still say our prayers kneeling at your crib each night. I like that time but hate that you aren't there with me. I think you are there, but just in a different way. I guess I'll go now. I just wanted to tell you I am thinking about you (I always am!!!) and I miss you. I'll be up to say our prayers in a bit. Remember what I always said to you when I kissed you goodnight? I think I'll end my messages with what I said. So, here it is: Good Night Champ! Daddy Loves You!!!!!

How was your celebration in Heaven today, Lukey? It just didn't feel like Christmas here without you. Everyone missed you so much. I don't even know what to say Luke, I just miss you and it hurts so very much that you are gone. I love you buddy and I would give anything in the world to have you back with me. Life will never be the same without you. Merry Christmas. I love you. Love, Mommy XOXO

Diane Trujillo

15 years ago

My heart goes out to you and I will honestly tell you my son woulve been14 on December 20, 2008 but the lord called him on February 7th, 1995. There is not a day that goes by that I dont think of him and I wish you all the strenghth in the world as it is hard, but you will survive one way are another. God bless you and remember to stay strong to survive!!! Love to you and your family, Diane Trujillo